Always Beginning

Forever ready and eager to be surprised

If the Angel decides to come it will be because you have convinced her, not by tears, but by your humble resolve to be always beginning; to be a beginner.

—Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Stephen Mitchell

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FEAR VERSUS INTUITION

If you'd like to get an idea of what my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES are like, tune in to my free podcast, "Fear Versus Intuition."

It's a meditation about the difference between your fearful fantasies and your authentic, accurate intuitions.

My approach there has a close resemblance to the style of my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.

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LETTERS TO THE BEAUTY AND TRUTH LAB

I call it the Beauty and Truth Lab and not the Beauty and Truth Think Tank because I like to get experimental evidence about the usefulness of the concept of PRONOIA.

(My book is Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.)

One way to do that is to encourage the public to testify and ask questions about their practical experiences with pronoia.

Below are some of the exchanges that have unfolded.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: I've wrestled all my life with fear. But lately it's been even worse than usual.

My personal demons seem to be winning, or at least getting the better of the fight.

I think it's related to the fact that when I caught wind of the idea of pronoia, I started working hard to lose all my illusions.

Now I'm thinking maybe that was a mistake. Perhaps I needed my illusions to keep the demons at bay?

—Crybaby

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Dear Crybaby: Hang on. This is the toughest part of your struggle. It may seem that the illusions you dissolved were the main barriers safeguarding you from your demons.

But what's more likely is that those illusions were food for your demons. Very soon now the demons will have devoured the last of their fuel and will start to starve.

If they don't die off, they will at least fly away in search of other nourishment.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: If you were, like me, setting out on a 10-year project to become a beautiful truth-teller, having the simple goal of actually expressing the things that Everyone Ought to Say But Doesn't, what would you do?

Other than to bother your favorite truth-tellers for advice, of course!

—Aspiring Fount of Truth

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Dear Aspiring Fount: One of the best ways to increase your mastery is to regularly tell yourself the truth about yourself with kick-ass kindness.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: Does pronoia make you feel like you're falling in love? Not just with a person but with life itself?

And can that be scary? Is it possible that you might feel a chord of gorgeous terror resound in your gut when you entertain the thought that every person and even every animal and plant and rock in the world is ganging up to make your life interesting—almost more brilliantly interesting than you can bear?

Does pronoia threaten to cause all perceptions, all sensations, all interactions to verge on being orgasmic?

I've been heading in this direction lately and it's freaking me out. Can extreme happiness be dangerous to my well-being?

—Butchtastic

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Dear Butchtastic: First thing we'll say is that while pronoia inevitably feeds the soul, it doesn't necessarily further the agendas of the ego.

The anxiety that's welling up may be the result of your old self-image clinging to the shrunken expectations it had gotten used to thinking of as essential to its identity.

The second thing is that when people invite pronoia to take over their perceptual filters, they often feel as if they're falling in love with a Scary Yet Friendly Vastness that kicks their asses until they wake up to the secret beauty they've been ignoring.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: The chemo treatments burned out all the math skills in my brain, which were already pretty meager.

On the other hand, they awakened my ability to feel perfectly at ease while in the midst of paradoxical situations that everyone else finds maddening and uncomfortable.

The chemo also made me ridiculously tolerant of people's contradictions, sometimes even their hypocrisies, and freed me to enjoy life as an entertaining movie with lots of interesting plot twists rather than as a pitched battle between everything I like and everything I don't like.

I guess I could say that my cancer helped turn me into a pronoiac!

—The Chaos Artist Formerly Known as Risa Kline

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: Can you tell me why my trivial prayers are often answered (please don't let the light turn red, please let there be enough milk for one cup of coffee, etc.), but never my big life-changing prayers (please send me a soul mate, please help me make money at what I love to do)?

Are God's priorities screwed up, or is it me?

—Dumb Luck Collector

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Dear DLC: There's an old fairy tale in which two old folks are given three wishes by a magic dwarf, but impulsively waste them on the first silly whims that pop into their heads.

I'll tell you what I would have told them: Proceed on the assumption that only a few of your fervent prayers will be granted. Don't use them up on pleas for convenience when you're tired, cranky, or desperate.

A Tibetan proverb says, "The person who gets stuck on petty happiness will not attain great happiness."

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: After reading your inspiring rants about pronoia, I've come up with my own personal set of pronoiac vows.

1. I vow to Siamese-twin together my bad-ass, no-hype, wide-eyed self with my tricky, strategic, puzzle-loving self.

2. I vow to rage on like a dancing warrior in the urban wilderness, keeping peak experiences and total slaphappy victory at the top of my priority list, while at the same time I play hide-and-seek with the dark delicious secrets that fuel my soul's lust for wicked meaning.

3. I vow to deepen the collaborative efforts of my suck-out-the-marrow-and-spit-out-the-bones craziness and my listen-carefully-to-the-flow-of-the-underground-river caginess. —Double Intense Pronoiac

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Dear Double Intense: If we could give you a reward for your elegant audacity, it might be a descendant of Muchalinda, the giant cobra with seven heads that protected the Buddha as he meditated during a hailstorm.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: I was lying in my bed basking in a sunbeam this morning, too comfortable to get up and take my Prozac, when I thought, Hey, what if I'm not, you know, emotionally challenged? What if I'm just lazy?

Maybe if I worked harder at cultivating happiness, I'd just sort of outgrow my depression—you know, render it irrelevant.

Do you have an opinion about this theory?

—Slothful Slack Seeker

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Dear Slothful: We'd have to know more about your personal history to evaluate whether laziness is the cause of your depression.

We do know this, though: Many people are extremely lax about their pursuit of happiness. Here's our question to you: What tricks would you have to play on yourself in order to get more aggressive about mastering the art of feeling really good?

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: In your book *Pronoia*, you say, “The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.”

I have a different view. I often find that I disagree with what the Universe decides is best for me.

But that usually turns out to be a good thing. It's fun for me to always be arguing with God! I learn a lot and generate a lot of high energy from trying to outmaneuver the divine will.

What do you think about that?

—Cagey Dissident

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Dear Cagey: Congratulations! You are the thousandth dissident to testify that pronoia is not, in fact, the One Truth and the Only Way.

You prove that we have successfully prevented our beloved Beauty and Truth Lab from being a shill for a fundamentalist ideology.

Please accept our most fantastic thanks. Your prize will be on its way to you soon!

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: Soon after finding out about your concept of pronoia, I had intimate relations with a mountain in Washington.

I was driving toward the Cascades when I became aware of a physical longing for Bonanza Peak, which lay ahead of me.

As I got closer, I rolled down the windows and sucked in the cool air. This gave me the exact same sensation as loving someone so deeply that breathing in their breath fills me with erotic images and naughty tingles and lusty compassion.

I thought you should know.

—Earth Lover

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Dear Earth Lover: Reading your missive transported us to the afternoon when we interrupted a Beauty and Truth Lab meeting to go outside and swoon in erotic prayer at the foot of the persimmon tree that had shed all its leaves but blazed with a riot of bright burnt orange fruits hanging starkly from its gray-brown branches.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: You must be kidding with your Pollyanna bullshit. Either that or you're lying to get gullible people to love you and give you money.

The truth is, life is not in the least bit kind. It's a brutal struggle for survival—at best.

We are, sadly, animals who are stuck being conscious of our own mortality, forever stalked by death, and trying to avoid both that knowledge and the inevitable appearance of the grim reaper.

Wake up and see the sickness and misery that life on this planet really is.

—Your Good Cheer Makes Me Puke

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Dear Puker: It's true that the Beauty and Truth Lab errs on the side of optimism, but only because so many so-called experts and leaders err on the side of cynicism.

Our calling is to overcompensate for the relentless propaganda that creates the false impression that ugliness rules the world.

By the way, when we urge people to more fully appreciate the multitude of blessings they take for granted, it's not the same as advising them to pretend there's no suffering in the world.

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Dear Beauty and Truth Lab: You asked us readers this question: "The spiritual teacher A. H. Almaas believes that a genuinely creative act is always motivated by generosity. If that's true, how do you explain all the ego-obsessed 'geniuses' who treat everyone like dirt even as they churn out their supposedly brilliant art?"

Here's my answer: Those aren't really geniuses, and what they make isn't really brilliant art! It may be popular art, and it may earn a lot of money for the fake geniuses, but it's not brilliant.

The truth is, many of the richest and most famous artists are those patronized for their ability to fetishize, glamorize, and trivialize our cultural pain.

You can apply the same statement to supposed geniuses who apply their talent to the pharmaceutical industry or nuclear weapons. Creative and intellectual energy applied to cruelty, domination, and meanness is always stupid.

The true geniuses recognize that cooperation is a stronger evolutionary force than competition. They know that the only appropriate application for intelligence is to find ways to make us all feel stupendously good as much as possible.

—Malian

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Week beginning October 6

Copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The Libran approach to fighting for what's right shouldn’t involve getting into loud arguments or trying to manipulate people into seeing things your way. If you’re doing what you were born to do, you rely on gentler styles of persuasion. Are you doing what you were born to do? Have you become skilled at using clear, elegant language to say what you mean? Do you work in behalf of the best outcome rather than merely serving your ego? Do you try to understand why others feel the way they do, even if you disagree with their conclusions? I hope you call on these superpowers in the coming weeks. We all need you to be at the height of your potency.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "One bad apple spoils the rest" is an idiom in the English language. It refers to the idea that if one apple rots as it rests in a pile of apples, the rest will quickly rot, too. It's based on a scientific fact. As an apple decays, it emanates the gas ethylene, which speeds up decay in nearby apples. A variant of this idiom has recently evolved in relation to police misconduct, however. When law enforcement officials respond to such allegations, they say that a few "bad apples" in the police force aren't representative of all the other cops. So I'm wondering which side of the metaphor is at work for you right now, Scorpio. Should you immediately expunge the bad apple in your life? Or should you critique and tolerate it? Should you worry about the possibility of contamination, or can you successfully enforce damage control? Only you know the correct answer.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Of all the signs in the zodiac, you Sagittarians know best how to have fun even when life sucks. Your daily rhythm may temporarily become a tangle of boring or annoying tasks, yet you can still summon a knack for enjoying yourself. But let me ask you this: How are your instincts for drumming up amusement when life doesn't suck? Are you as talented at whipping up glee and inspiration when the daily rhythm is smooth and groovy? I suspect we will gather evidence to answer those questions in the coming weeks. Here's my prediction: The good times will spur you to new heights of creating even more good times.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): More than you might realize, people look to you for leadership and regard you as a role model. This will be extra true in the coming weeks. Your statements and actions will have an even bigger impact than usual. Your influence will ripple out far beyond your sphere. In light of these developments, which may sometimes be subtle, I encourage you to upgrade your sense of responsibility. Make sure your integrity is impeccable. Another piece of advice, too: Be an inspiring example to people without making them feel like they owe you anything.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Rapper-songwriter Nicki Minaj says, "You should never feel afraid to become a piece of art. It's exhilarating." I will go further, Aquarius. I invite you to summon ingenuity and joy in your efforts to be a work of art. The coming weeks will be an ideal time for you to tease out more of your inner beauty so that more people can benefit from it. I hope you will be dramatic and expressive about showing the world the full array of your interesting qualities. PS: Please call on the entertainment value of surprise and unpredictability.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Author Robertson Davies declared, "One learns one’s mystery at the price of one’s innocence." It sounds poetic, but it doesn't apply to most of you Pisceans—especially now. Here's what I've concluded: The more you learn your mystery, the more innocent you become. Please note I'm using the word "innocence" in the sense defined by author Clarissa Pinkola Estés. She wrote: "Ignorance is not knowing anything and being attracted to the good. Innocence is knowing everything and still being attracted to the good."

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): When you Aries folks are at your best, you are drawn to people who tell you exactly what they think, who aren't intimidated by your high energy, and who dare to be as vigorous as you. I hope you have an array of allies like that in your sphere right now. In my astrological opinion, you especially need their kind of stimulation. It's an excellent time to invite influences that will nudge you out of your status quo and help you glide into a new groove. Are you willing to be challenged and changed?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Author Toni Morrison thought that beauty was "an absolute necessity" and not "a privilege or an indulgence." She said that "finding, incorporating, and then representing beauty is what humans do." In her view, we can't live without beauty “any more than we can do without dreams or oxygen.” All she said is even truer for Tauruses and Libras than the other signs. And you Bulls have an extra wrinkle: It's optimal if at least some of the beauty in your life is useful. Your mandate is summed up well by author Anne Michaels: "Find a way to make beauty necessary; find a way to make necessity beautiful." I hope you'll do a lot of that in the coming weeks.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Philosopher Alfred North Whitehead said, "It requires a very unusual mind to make an analysis of the obvious." I nominate you to perform that service in the coming days, both for yourself and your allies. No one will be better able than you to discern the complexities of seemingly simple situations. You will also have extraordinary power to help people appreciate and even embrace paradox. So be a crafty master of candor and transparency, Gemini. Demonstrate the benefits of being loyal to the objective evidence rather than to the easy and popular delusions. Tell the interesting truths.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian poet Lucille Clifton sent us all an invitation: "Won’t you celebrate with me what i have shaped into a kind of life? i had no model. i made it up here on this bridge between starshine and clay, my one hand holding tight my other hand." During October, fellow Cancerian, I propose you draw inspiration from her heroic efforts to create herself. The coming weeks will be a time when you can achieve small miracles as you bolster your roots, nourish your soulful confidence, and ripen your uniqueness.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Rob the Astrologer: This morning I put extra mousse on my hair and blow-dried the hell out of it, so now it is huge and curly and impossibly irresistible. I'm wearing bright orange shoes so everyone will stare at my feet, and a blue silk blouse that is much too high-fashion to wear to work. It has princess seams and matches my eyes. I look fantastic. How could anyone of any gender resist drinking in my magnificence? I realize you're a spiritual type and may not approve of my showmanship, but I wanted you to know that what I'm doing is a totally valid way to be a Leo. —Your Leo teacher Brooke." Dear Brooke: Thank you for your helpful instruction! It's true that I periodically need to loosen my tight grip on my high principles. I must be more open to appreciating life's raw feed. I hope you will perform a similar service for everyone you encounter in the coming weeks.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): How to be the best Virgo you can be during the coming weeks: 1. You must relish, not apologize for, your precise obsessions. 2. Be as nosy as you need to be to discover the core truths hidden beneath the surface. Risk asking almost too many questions in your subtle drive to know everything. 3. Help loved ones and allies shrink and heal their insecurities. 4. Generate beauty and truth through your skill at knowing what needs to be purged and shed. 5. Always have your Bullshit Detector with you. Use it liberally. 6. Keep in close touch with the conversations between your mind and body.

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