This really resonates with me. Thank you!❤️ I deeply appreciate your writing.
“I wasn’t lying. I was just absenting myself. I showed up as the curious one, the helper, the one who makes space for others, rather than as a person with my own unruly interior weather.”
My false self wants to meet your (previous) false self. We have so much in common! In particular the genuinely interested, curious, generous parts that often don't encounter reciprocity. I appreciate how you brought further light to this, as it has been a process, as you say, to be more conscious and less automatic, while being true to my self. This can be painful, and difficult, as the false self strategy is designed to avoid abandonment at all costs. And of course, this self-abandonment isn't recognized or felt while maintaining the strategy of shining light on others, exclusively. I also appreciate the line, 'trading aliveness for acceptance." Good one, Rob!
I love the reminder that our false self is not an enemy-- but a protective friend waiting for our authentic self to ripen. And I accept the Leo challenge to be a Love Maestro! ❤️
This one!! All these years since I first found you in the Village Voice you’ve spoken the thing I’ve needed to hear. Not only are you a brilliant writer and thinker, you’re my Patron Saint of Serendipity! ✨
I have learned a lot about the false self in the past two years. Thank you for the reminders.. Your writing is so crisp and clear. The clarity appears to be an outgrowth of your deep dive into your own false self. I loved your example of your own false self. How to hide in goodness. Tricky. Thanks for sharing.
I like your dichotomy of false and true self. Since I look at the world through a lens of light and sound, a similar but different dichotomy comes up for me of being seen or being hidden.
I thought not so long ago that people liked being seen. When I began to verbalize, what I saw in people I got such positive responses that I thought everyone would love being seen. I became somewhat addicted to seeking out the hidden in personal presentations. So when I expressed seeing someone in a way that was outside their comfort zone, it came as a shock to me that their response was forcefully rejecting. Even seeking to do me damage for daring to see them in their carefully constructed hiding place.
That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I’m much more cautious now, especially around giving gifts.
I had some talent when I was young. I took it into the workplace. People saw it and emulated it, and others purchased it. The business owner told me I was a leader. I was vaulted into creative management before I knew what "managing" was. "Don't worry," I was told, "Just be your true self. People love you." I became the problem-solver, the open-door listener, the compassionate confidant who had ideas. But in private, my life was a mess, always on the edge of poor health and an empty bank account, in an abusive relationship, emotionally empty and depressed, not meeting the needs of my family. Finally, after the economy grew worse and our share of total profits were insufficient (but still well into the black year-round), the business owner took me to dinner and told me that I was "... too nice." It hurt, because it was the TRUTH. So I resigned the next day, had to sell my home, lived on a lot less, found a situation with 8-10 simple hours a day, weekends free, and my authentic self came out creating things that pleased me greatly. I still am compassionate, good at helping people solve problems. But as Rob Brezny says, by standing beside them, holding their hand, telling them I'm sorry for their present reality, and asking, "What do you plan to do about it?" Then listen with compassion, and only lend a thought if asked. <dust hands>
Wow! I just gave a share at an AA meeting and spoke about this, about a shell I consciously created in childhood for protection. Big Virgo thanks and gratitude.
This is a profound deconstruction of the 'virtuous' false self. In Eastern energy strategy (BaZi), we see this exact pattern constantly: an individual burning their own core energy to continuously provide 'Output' (helping, accommodating, performing) just to feel safe in their environment.
We often mistake energetic leakage for life purpose.
The hardest mask to drop is the one society applauds. Thank you for this raw reminder that true alignment isn’t about being relentlessly useful to everyone else—it’s about standing firmly in your own elemental truth, even if it disrupts the status quo. Beautifully written.
I always enjoy your insightfulness, clarity. The humbling story of your own false self; the story in itself sheds light on something I would have never considered as "my false self". I like the fact how you can shed new light on so many different sentiments.
This really resonates with me. Thank you!❤️ I deeply appreciate your writing.
“I wasn’t lying. I was just absenting myself. I showed up as the curious one, the helper, the one who makes space for others, rather than as a person with my own unruly interior weather.”
I love how you can make me feel lovingly seen and absolutely nailed to the wall at the same time, Rob.
Thank you. I needed to hear about the false self today. This has been an invitation to my authentic self and a reminder that she's safe to be here.
My false self wants to meet your (previous) false self. We have so much in common! In particular the genuinely interested, curious, generous parts that often don't encounter reciprocity. I appreciate how you brought further light to this, as it has been a process, as you say, to be more conscious and less automatic, while being true to my self. This can be painful, and difficult, as the false self strategy is designed to avoid abandonment at all costs. And of course, this self-abandonment isn't recognized or felt while maintaining the strategy of shining light on others, exclusively. I also appreciate the line, 'trading aliveness for acceptance." Good one, Rob!
I love the reminder that our false self is not an enemy-- but a protective friend waiting for our authentic self to ripen. And I accept the Leo challenge to be a Love Maestro! ❤️
Me too!! My Leo horoscope is always on point! 🩷
This one!! All these years since I first found you in the Village Voice you’ve spoken the thing I’ve needed to hear. Not only are you a brilliant writer and thinker, you’re my Patron Saint of Serendipity! ✨
I have learned a lot about the false self in the past two years. Thank you for the reminders.. Your writing is so crisp and clear. The clarity appears to be an outgrowth of your deep dive into your own false self. I loved your example of your own false self. How to hide in goodness. Tricky. Thanks for sharing.
I like your dichotomy of false and true self. Since I look at the world through a lens of light and sound, a similar but different dichotomy comes up for me of being seen or being hidden.
I thought not so long ago that people liked being seen. When I began to verbalize, what I saw in people I got such positive responses that I thought everyone would love being seen. I became somewhat addicted to seeking out the hidden in personal presentations. So when I expressed seeing someone in a way that was outside their comfort zone, it came as a shock to me that their response was forcefully rejecting. Even seeking to do me damage for daring to see them in their carefully constructed hiding place.
That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I’m much more cautious now, especially around giving gifts.
I had some talent when I was young. I took it into the workplace. People saw it and emulated it, and others purchased it. The business owner told me I was a leader. I was vaulted into creative management before I knew what "managing" was. "Don't worry," I was told, "Just be your true self. People love you." I became the problem-solver, the open-door listener, the compassionate confidant who had ideas. But in private, my life was a mess, always on the edge of poor health and an empty bank account, in an abusive relationship, emotionally empty and depressed, not meeting the needs of my family. Finally, after the economy grew worse and our share of total profits were insufficient (but still well into the black year-round), the business owner took me to dinner and told me that I was "... too nice." It hurt, because it was the TRUTH. So I resigned the next day, had to sell my home, lived on a lot less, found a situation with 8-10 simple hours a day, weekends free, and my authentic self came out creating things that pleased me greatly. I still am compassionate, good at helping people solve problems. But as Rob Brezny says, by standing beside them, holding their hand, telling them I'm sorry for their present reality, and asking, "What do you plan to do about it?" Then listen with compassion, and only lend a thought if asked. <dust hands>
Wow! I just gave a share at an AA meeting and spoke about this, about a shell I consciously created in childhood for protection. Big Virgo thanks and gratitude.
This is a profound deconstruction of the 'virtuous' false self. In Eastern energy strategy (BaZi), we see this exact pattern constantly: an individual burning their own core energy to continuously provide 'Output' (helping, accommodating, performing) just to feel safe in their environment.
We often mistake energetic leakage for life purpose.
The hardest mask to drop is the one society applauds. Thank you for this raw reminder that true alignment isn’t about being relentlessly useful to everyone else—it’s about standing firmly in your own elemental truth, even if it disrupts the status quo. Beautifully written.
I always enjoy your insightfulness, clarity. The humbling story of your own false self; the story in itself sheds light on something I would have never considered as "my false self". I like the fact how you can shed new light on so many different sentiments.
Thank you Rob. The false self is good at trying to stay alive
...this was such a good and timely read today ... and a total tonic for my soul. Thank you!
Beautiful truth❤️🔥
Cancer - Nickname “Toddler Trodding”