Here are your REAL horoscopes

I made a mistake! Sorry!

Dear Readers —

I made a mistake in my newsletter this morning and sent out last week’s horoscopes again! So sorry!

Below are your REAL horoscopes for this week.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Some stories don’t have a distinct and orderly beginning, middle, and end. At any one point, it may be hard to know where you are. Other tales have a clear beginning, middle, and end, but the parts occur out of order; maybe the middle happens first, then the end, followed by the beginning. Every other variation is possible, too. And then there's the fact that the beginning of a new story is implied at the end of many stories, even stories with fuzzy plots and ambiguous endings. Keep these ruminations in mind during the coming weeks, Aries. You will be in a phase when it's essential to know what story you are living in and where you are located in the plot’s unfoldment.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): As I meditate on your destiny in the near future, I sense you will summon extra courage, perhaps even fearless and heroic energy. I wonder if you will save a drowning person, or rescue a child from a burning building, or administer successful CPR to a stranger who has collapsed on the street. Although I suspect your adventures will be less dramatic than those, they may still be epic. Maybe you will audaciously expose corruption and deceit, or persuade a friend to not commit self-harm, or speak bold thoughts you haven’t had the daring to utter before.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Lately, you have been learning more than you thought possible. You have surpassed and transcended previous limits in your understanding of how the world works. Congratulations! I believe the numerous awakenings stem from your willingness to wander freely into the edgy frontier—and then stay there to gather in all the surprising discoveries and revelations flowing your way. I will love it if you continue your pilgrimage out there beyond the borders for a while longer.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): As I study the astrological omens for the coming weeks, I suspect you will feel more at home in a situation that has previously felt unnerving or alien. Or you will expedite the arrival of the future by connecting more deeply with your roots. Or you will cultivate more peace and serenity by exploring exotic places. To be honest, though, the planetary configurations are half-mystifying me; I’m offering my best guesses. You may assemble a strong foundation for an experimental fantasy. Or perhaps you will engage in imaginary travel, enabling you to wander widely without leaving your sanctuary. Or all of the above.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Of your hundreds of wishes and yearnings, Leo, which is the highest on your priority list? And which are the next two? What are the sweet, rich, inspiring experiences you want more than anything else in life? I invite you to compile a tally of your top three longings. Write them on a piece of paper. Draw or paste an evocative symbol next to each one. Then place this holy document in a prominent spot that you will see regularly. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you are in a phase when focusing and intensifying your intentions will bring big rewards.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Actor and travel writer Andrew McCarthy hiked across Spain along the famous pilgrimage route, Camino de Santiago. On the way, he felt so brave and strong that at one point he paradoxically had a sobbing breakdown. He realized how fear had always dominated his life. With this chronic agitation absent for the first time ever, he felt free to be his genuine self. "I started to feel more comfortable in the world and consequently in my own skin," he testified, concluding, "I think travel obliterates fear." I recommend applying his prescription to yourself in the coming months, Virgo—in whatever ways your intuition tells you are right. Cosmic forces will be aligned with you.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the natural world, there are four partnership styles. In the parasitic variety, one living thing damages another while exploiting it. In the commensal mode, there is exploitation by one partner, but no harm occurs. In the epizoic model, one creature serves as a vehicle for the other but gets nothing in return. The fourth kind of partnership is symbiotic. It’s beneficial to both parties. I bring these thoughts to your attention, Libra, because the coming weeks will be an excellent time to take an inventory of your alliances and affiliations—and begin to de-emphasize, even phase out, all but the symbiotic ones.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio author Dan Savage says, "I wish I could let myself eat and eat and eat." He imagines what it would be like if he didn't "have to monitor the foods I put in my mouth or go to the gym anymore." He feels envious of those who have no inhibitions about being gluttonous. In alignment with astrological aspects, I authorize Savage and all Scorpios to temporarily set aside such inhibitions. Take a brief break. Experiment with what it feels like to free yourself to ingest big helpings of food and drink—as well as metaphorical kinds of nourishment like love and sex and sensations and entertainment. Just for now, allow yourself to play around with voraciousness. You may be surprised at the deeper liberations it triggers.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Dear Wise Gambler: You rank high in your spacious intelligence, intuitive logic, and robust fantasy life. There’s only one factor that may diminish your ability to discern the difference between wise and unwise gambles. That’s your tendency to get so excited by big, expansive ideas that you neglect to account for messy, inconvenient details. And it’s especially important not to dismiss or underplay those details in the coming weeks. If you include them in your assessments, you will indeed be the shrewdest of wise gamblers.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Capricorn golfer Tiger Woods is one of the all-time greats. He holds numerous records and has won scores of tournaments. On 20 occasions, he has accomplished the most difficult feat: hitting a hole-in-one. But the weird fact is that there were two decades (1998–2018) between his 19th and 20th holes-in-one. I suspect your own fallow time came in 2023, Capricorn. By now, you should be back in the hole-in-one groove, metaphorically speaking. And the coming months may bring a series of such crowning strokes.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Poet Anna Akhmatova (1889–1966) lived till age 76, but her destiny was a rough ride. Her native country, the authoritarian Soviet Union, censored her work and imprisoned her friends and family. In one of her poems, she wrote, "If I can't have love, if I can't find peace, give me a bitter glory." She got the latter wish. She came close to winning a Nobel Prize and is now renowned as a great poet and heroic symbol of principled resistance to tyranny. Dear Aquarius, I predict that your life in the coming months will be very different from Akhmatova’s. I expect you will enjoy more peace and love than you've had in a long time. Glory will stream your way, too, but it will be graceful, never bitter. The effects will be heightened if you express principled resistance to tyranny.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean perfumer Sophia Grojsman says, "Our lives are quiet. We like to be disturbed by delight." To that end, she has created over 30 best-selling fragrances, including Eternity Purple Orchid, Désir Coulant (Flowing Desire), Spellbound, Volupté (Pleasure), and Jelisaveta ("God is abundance"). I bring this up, Pisces, because I believe it's now essential for you to be disturbed by delight—as well as to disturb others with delight. Please do what's necessary to become a potent magnet for marvelous interruptions, sublime interventions, and blissful intrusions. And make yourself into a provider of those healing subversions, too.