I want enough time to be in love with everything

Let’s claim the privilege of loving wildly and freely

Rob Brezsny

Mar 21, 2023

I want enough time to be in love with everything.
— Marina Keega

Words by David Levithan. Art by Anne Patay.

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LOVING TOO MUCH OR NOT ENOUGH?

Robin Norwood’s self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that has gotten a lot of play in recent decades: If you’re too generous to someone who doesn’t appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.

An alternative perspective comes from philosopher Blaise Pascal, who said, “When one does not love too much, one does not love enough.”

He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it’s a fertile ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.

Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood’s or Pascal’s advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.

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SKILLFUL AUDACITY

Gertrude Stein defined love as “the skillful audacity required to share an inner life.”

It suggests that expressing the truth about who you are is not something that amateurs do very well.

Practice and ingenuity are required. It also implies that courage is an essential element of successful intimacy.

You’ve got to be adventurous if you want to weave your life together with another’s.

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Art by Betty Mpetyane

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THE ASSUMPTION OF CLAIRVOYANCE

A common obstruction to a vital intimate relationship is what I call the assumption of clairvoyance.

You imagine, perhaps unconsciously, that your partner or friend is somehow magically psychic when it comes to you—so much so that he or she should unfailingly intuit exactly what you need, even if you don’t ask for it.

This fantasy may seem romantic, but it can undermine the most promising alliances.

To counteract any tendencies you might have to indulge in the assumption of clairvoyance, practice stating your desires aloud.

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Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

THE INNER HISTORY OF A DAY

by John O'Donohue

We seldom notice how each day is a holy place
Where the eucharist of the ordinary happens,
Transforming our broken fragments
Into an eternal continuity that keeps us.

Somewhere in us a dignity presides
That is more gracious than the smallness
That fuels us with fear and force,
A dignity that trusts the form a day takes.

So at the end of this day, we give thanks
For being betrothed to the unknown
And for the secret work
Through which the mind of the day
And wisdom of the soul become one.

—John O'Donohue from To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings

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NAMES FOR THE KINDS OF LOVE

"The Inuit people had 52 names for snow because it was important to them," wrote novelist Margaret Atwood. "There ought to be as many for love."

Here are a few that the ancient Greeks devised, according to Lindsay Swope in her review of Richard Idemon's book Through the Looking Glass.

1. Epithemia is the basic need to touch and be touched. Our closest approximation is "horniness," though epithemia is not so much a sexual feeling as a sensual one.

2. Philia is friendship. It includes the need to admire and respect your friends as a reflection of yourself—like in high school, where you want to hang out with the cool kids because that means you're cool too.

3. Eros isn't sexual in the way we usually think, but is more about the emotional gratification that comes from merging souls.

4. Agape is a mature, utterly free expression of love that has no possessiveness. It means wanting the best for another person even if it doesn't advance your self-interest.

Your assignment is to coin three additional new words for love, which means you may have to discover or create three alternate states of love that have previously been unnamed.

To do that, put aside your habitual expectations and standard definitions of what constitutes love so that you can explore an array of nuances, including varieties you never imagined existed.

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WE CAN’T OWN LOVE

You understand that you can never own love, right? No matter how much someone adores you today, no matter how much you adore someone, you can't force that unique state of grace to keep its shape forever.

It will inevitably evolve or mutate, perhaps into a different version of tender caring, but maybe not.

From there it will continue to change, into either yet another version of interesting affection, or who knows what else?

Are you making any progress in getting the hang of this tricky wisdom? Are you putting it into practice?

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REAL LOVE IS BEING SMART TOGETHER

"Love is being stupid together," said French poet Paul Valéry. While there's a grain of truth to that, it's too corny and decadent for my tastes.

I prefer to focus on a more interesting truth, which is this: Real love is being smart together.

If you weave your destiny together with another's, he or she or they should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost both your emotional and analytical intelligence.

Your relationship becomes a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works.

Homework: Give an example of your closest approach to this model in your own life. Then formulate a vow in which you promise you'll do what's necessary to more fully embody the principle "Love is being smart together."

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OFFERING YOUR BEAUTY

Norman Mailer described marriage as "an excretory relationship, in which you take all the crap you hide from the world and dump it on the person closest to you. But the proviso is that you have to be willing to take theirs."

Experiment: Describe how you might work in the opposite way by training yourself to call up all the beauty you hide from the world and offer it to the person closest to you.

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LOVE NEEDS IMAGINATION

"For a relationship to stay alive," wrote James Hillman, "love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."

Make this your hypothesis. The next time you sense that you're about to say the same old thing to your closest ally, interrupt yourself and head off in the direction of storyland.

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My upcoming book is called

Astrology Is Real: Revelations from My Life as a Horoscope Columnist.

I’m offering sneak peeks to paid subscribers of my newsletter. This week I’m publishing the eighth installment.

Read Part 1: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology1

Read Part 2: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology2

Read Part 3: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology3

Read Part 4: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology4

Read Part 5: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology5

Read Part 6: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology6

Read Part 7: https://tinyurl.com/RealAstrology7

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Week beginning March 23

ARIES (March 21-April 19): If we were to choose one person to illustrate the symbolic power of astrology, it might be Aries financier and investment banker J. P. Morgan (1837–1913). His astrological chart strongly suggested he would be one of the richest people of his era. The sun, Mercury, Pluto, and Venus were in Aries in his astrological house of finances. Those four heavenly bodies were trine to Jupiter and Mars in Leo in the house of work. Further, sun, Mercury, Pluto, and Venus formed a virtuoso "Finger of God" aspect with Saturn in Scorpio and the moon in Virgo. Anyway, Aries, the financial omens for you right now aren't as favorable as they always were for J. P. Morgan—but they are pretty auspicious. Venus, Uranus, and the north node of the moon are in your house of finances, to be joined for a bit by the moon itself in the coming days. My advice: Trust your intuition about money. Seek inspiration about your finances.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "The only thing new in the world," said former US President Harry Truman, "is the history you don't know." Luckily for all of us, researchers have been growing increasingly skilled in unearthing buried stories. Three examples: 1. Before the US Civil War, six Black Americans escaped slavery and became millionaires. (Check out the book Black Fortunes by Shomari Wills.) 2. Over 10,000 women secretly worked as code-breakers in World War II, shortening the war and saving many lives. 3. Four Black women mathematicians played a major role in NASA's early efforts to launch people into space. Dear Taurus, I invite you to enjoy this kind of work in the coming weeks. It's an excellent time to dig up the history you don't know—about yourself, your family, and the important figures in your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Since you're at the height of the Party Hearty Season, I'll offer two bits of advice about how to collect the greatest benefits. First, ex-basketball star Dennis Rodman says that mental preparation is the key to effective partying. He suggests we visualize the pleasurable events we want to experience. We should meditate on how much alcohol and drugs we will imbibe, how uninhibited we'll allow ourselves to be, and how close we can get to vomiting from intoxication without actually vomiting. But wait! Here's an alternative approach to partying, adapted from Sufi poet Rumi: "The golden hour has secrets to reveal. Be alert for merriment. Be greedy for glee. With your antic companions, explore the frontiers of conviviality. Go in quest of jubilation’s mysterious blessings. Be bold. Revere revelry."

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you have been holding yourself back or keeping your expectations low, please STOP! According to my analysis, you have a mandate to unleash your full glory and your highest competence. I invite you to choose as your motto whichever of the following inspires you most: raise the bar, up your game, boost your standards, pump up the volume, vault to a higher octave, climb to the next rung on the ladder, make the quantum leap, and put your ass and assets on the line.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): According to an ad I saw for a luxury automobile, you should enjoy the following adventures in the course of your lifetime: Ride the rapids on the Snake River in Idaho, stand on the Great Wall of China, see an opera at La Scala in Milan, watch the sun rise over the ruins of Machu Picchu, go paragliding over Japan’s Asagiri highland plateau with Mount Fuji in view, and visit the pink flamingos, black bulls, and white horses in France's Camargue Nature Reserve. The coming weeks would be a favorable time for you to seek experiences like those, Leo. If that's not possible, do the next best things. Like what? Get your mind blown and your heart thrilled closer to home by a holy sanctuary, natural wonder, marvelous work of art—or all the above.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It’s an excellent time to shed the dull, draining parts of your life story. I urge you to bid a crisp goodbye to your burdensome memories. If there are pesky ghosts hanging around from the ancient past, buy them a one-way ticket to a place far away from you. It's OK to feel poignant. OK to entertain any sadness and regret that well up within you. Allowing yourself to fully experience these feelings will help you be as bold and decisive as you need to be to graduate from the old days and old ways.

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ARE YOU THE HERO OF YOUR OWN LIFE?

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield.

I'd like to inspire you to create a story of your own that begins with similar words. That's why I provide these free horoscopes for you.

If you'd ever enjoy getting even more assistance from me, tune into your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, which I create for you each week. They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of your destiny.

To buy and listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope online, go to https://RealAstrology.com

The cost is $7 per sign on the On the Web. (Discounts are available for bulk purchases.)

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Words by Jenny Holzer

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your higher self has authorized you to become impatient with the evolution of togetherness. You have God's permission to feel a modicum of dissatisfaction with your collaborative ventures—and wish they might be richer and more captivating than they are now. Here's the cosmic plan: This creative irritation will motivate you to implement enhancements. You will take imaginative action to boost the energy and synergy of your alliances. Hungry for more engaging intimacy, you will do what’s required to foster greater closeness and mutual empathy.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio poet Richard Jackson writes, "The world is a nest of absences. Every once in a while, someone comes along to fill the gaps." I will add a crucial caveat to his statement: No one person can fill *all* the gaps. At best, a beloved ally may fill one or two. It's just not possible for anyone to be a shining savior who fixes every single absence. If we delusionally believe there is such a hero, we will distort or miss the partial grace they can actually provide. So here's my advice, Scorpio: Celebrate and reward a redeemer who has the power to fill one or two of your gaps.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Poet E. E. Cummings wrote, "May my mind stroll about hungry and fearless and thirsty and supple." That's what I hope and predict for you during the next three weeks. The astrological omens suggest you will be at the height of your powers of playful exploration. Several long-term rhythms are converging to make you extra flexible and resilient and creative as you seek the resources and influences that your soul delights in. Here’s your secret code phrase: higher love.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Let's hypothesize that there are two ways to further your relaxation: either in healthy or not-so-healthy ways—by seeking experiences that promote your long-term well-being or by indulging in temporary fixes that sap your vitality. I will ask you to meditate on this question. Then I will encourage you to spend the next three weeks avoiding and shedding any relaxation strategies that diminish you as you focus on and celebrate the relaxation methods that uplift, inspire, and motivate you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Please don't expect people to guess what you need. Don't assume they have telepathic powers that enable them to tune in to your thoughts and feelings. Instead, be specific and straightforward as you precisely name your desires. For example, say or write to an intense ally, "I want to explore ticklish areas with you between 7 and 9 on Friday night." Or approach a person with whom you need to forge a compromise and spell out the circumstances under which you will feel most open-minded and open-hearted. PS: Don't you dare hide your truth or lie about what you consider meaningful.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean writer Jack Kerouac feared he had meager power to capture the wonderful things that came his way. He compared his frustration with “finding a river of gold when I haven’t even got a cup to save a cupful. All I’ve got is a thimble.” Most of us have felt that way. That’s the bad news. The good news, Pisces, is that in the coming weeks, you will have extra skill at gathering in the goodness and blessings flowing in your vicinity. I suspect you will have the equivalent of three buckets to collect the liquid gold.

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Homework: Name one thing about your life you can’t change and one thing you can change. Newsletter.FreeWillAstrology.com

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