Love Needs Imagination
and imagination needs love
Devotional Pronoia Therapy
Experiments and exercises in becoming a gracefully probing, erotically funny, shockingly friendly Master of Orgasmic Empathy
1. A common obstruction to a vital intimate relationship is what I call the assumption of clairvoyance. You imagine, perhaps unconsciously, that your partner or friend is somehow magically psychic when it comes to you—so much so that he or she should unfailingly intuit exactly what you need, even if you don't ask for it. This fantasy may seem romantic, but it can undermine the most promising alliances.
To counteract any tendencies you might have to indulge in the assumption of clairvoyance, practice stating your desires aloud.
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2. "For a relationship to stay alive," writes James Hillman, "love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining."
Make this your hypothesis. The next time you sense that you're about to say the same old thing to your closest ally, interrupt yourself and head off in the direction of storyland.
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3. Robin Norwood's self-help book Women Who Love Too Much deals with a theme that rightfully gets a lot of play: If you're too generous to someone who doesn't appreciate it and at the expense of your own needs, you can make yourself sick.
An alternative perspective comes from philosopher Blaise Pascal, who said, "When one does not love too much, one does not love enough." He was primarily addressing psychologically healthy altruists, but it's a fertile ideal for pronoia lovers to keep in mind.
Decide whether you need to move more in the direction of Norwood's or Pascal's advice. Develop a game plan to carry out your resolve, then take action.
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4. Play the game called "Tell me the story of your scars." It's best to do it with a skilled empath who is curious about your fate's riddles and skilled at helping you find redemption in your wounds.
"How did you get that blotch on your knee?" he or she might begin, and you describe the time in childhood when you fell on the sidewalk.
Then maybe he or she would say, "Why do you always look so sad when you hear that song?" And you'd narrate the tale of how it was playing when an old lover broke your heart.
The questions and answers continue until you unveil the history of your hurts, both physical and psychic. Treat yourself to this game soon.
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5. Some hetero men believe they won't find romantic happiness unless they hook up with a woman who resembles a supermodel. Their libidos were imprinted at a tender age by our culture's narrow definition of what constitutes female beauty. They steer clear of many fine women who don't fit their ideal.
The addiction to a physical type is not confined to them, though. Some straight women, for instance, wouldn't think of dating a bald, short guy, no matter how interesting he is.
And there are people of every gender and sexual preference who imagine that their attraction to the physical appearance of a potential partner is the single most important gauge of compatibility. This delusion is a common cause of bad relationships.
The good news is that anyone can outgrow their instinctual yearning for a particular physical type, thereby becoming available for union with all of the more perfect partners who previously didn't look quite right.
What's the state of your relationship with this riddle? Describe how you might ripen it; speculate on how you can move it to the next level of maturity.
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6. While loitering on a sidewalk outside a nightclub in San Francisco on a September night years ago, I found the cover of a booklet lying in the gutter.
Written by Marilena Silbey and Paul Ramana Das, it was called How to Survive Passionate Intimacy with a Dreamy Partner While Making a Fortune on the Path to Enlightenment.
Sadly, the rest of the text was missing. Ever since, hungry for its wisdom, I've tried to hunt down a copy of the whole thing, but to no avail.
I'm hoping that maybe you will consider writing your own version of the subject. If you do, please send it to me.
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More Devotional Pronoia Therapy
7. I swear the strange woman standing near me at Los Angeles' Getty Museum was having an erotic experience as she gazed upon van Gogh's Irises.
She was not touching herself, nor was anyone else. But she was apparently experiencing waves of convulsive delight, as suggested by her rapid breathing, shivering muscles, fluttering eyelids, and sweaty forehead.
Fifteen minutes later, I saw her again in front of Jean-Honoré Fragonard's The Fountain of Love. She was only slightly more composed.
In a friendly voice, I said, "This stuff really moves you, doesn't it?"
"Oh, yeah," she replied, "I've not only learned how to make love with actual flowers and clouds and fountains, I can even make love with paintings of them."
Do you have any interest in mastering the method in this maestro's madness? Where will you begin?
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8. In his book Making Sex: Body and Gender from the Greeks to Freud, historian Thomas Laquer suggests that the clitoris may have been unknown to male anatomists until 1559.
In that year, Renaldus Columbus, a professor at the University of Padua in Italy, announced his discovery of the "seat of woman's delight," and declared his right to name it the "sweetness of Venus."
Is there a sublime pleasure whose existence you haven't discovered? Where is it? How can you find it?
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9. What could you do to make your tenderness and carnality flow from the same refined reflex?
How might you strive to adore every creature, plant, and rock in the world with the same excitement that you bestow upon the lover who excites you most?
What prayers will you unleash at the height of your orgasmic fervor to promote the healing and success of people in need?
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10. Once upon a time, you asked a certain someone for a blessing. Instead, he or she blasted you with a curse. The debilitating blow of that bad juju hit you right in the place that was ripe for the blessing you requested. What a tragedy!
Do you understand that the seed of the blessing you once needed (and still need) is hidden within the curse? If you figure out what that blessing is, you'll find the cure.
(PS: The French word for "wound" is blessure, which suggests that blessing can come from wounding.)
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11. Ruminate about the sublime prototypes that might be hidden within the longings you're not so proud of. Dream of the noble purposes that lie beneath the plaintive cries of your heart.
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12. "The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them," wrote novelist Margaret Atwood. "There ought to be as many for love."
Here are a few that the ancient Greeks devised, according to Lindsay Swope in her review of Richard Idemon's book Through the Looking Glass.
1. Epithemia is the basic need to touch and be touched. Our closest approximation is "horniness," though epithemia is not so much a sexual feeling as a sensual one.
2. Philia is friendship. It includes the need to admire and respect your friends as a reflection of yourself—like in high school, where you want to hang out with the cool kids because that means you're cool too.
3. Eros isn't sexual in the way we usually think, but is more about the
emotional gratification that comes from merging souls.
4. Agape is a mature, utterly free expression of love that has no possessiveness. It means wanting the best for another person even if it doesn't advance your self-interest.
Your assignment is to coin three additional new words for love, which means you'll have to discover or create three alternate states of love that have previously been unnamed. To do that, you'll have to put aside your habitual expectations and standard definitions of what constitutes love so that you can explore an array of nuances, including varieties you never imagined existed.
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HAPPY EASTER!
NOTES ABOUT THE REAL JESUS CHRIST
Let's celebrate the justice-loving Christians who've embodied Jesus Christ's actual teachings as they've worked in behalf of progressive ideals, including:
Harriet Tubman
César Chávez
Martin Luther King Jr.
the Berrigan Brothers
Archbishop Oscar Romero
Dorothy Day
Ralph Abernathy
Sojourner Truth
Fred Shuttlesworth
Desmond Tutu
Kim Bobo
Frederick Douglass
Thomas Merton
Sister Joan Chittister
Anna Howard Shaw
Frances Willard
Helen Keller
and John Lewis . . .
. . . all of whom were REAL Christians who cared about poor and marginalized people—unlike evangelicals and fundamentalists, who are the antithesis of everything Christ taught.
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More about the Real Jesus: https://tinyurl.com/JesusRealLife
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In the Biblical book of Matthew, a rich young man asks Jesus what actions bring eternal life.
First, Jesus advises the man to obey the commandments.
When the man responds that he already observes them, and asks what else he can do, Jesus adds: "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven."
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The book of Luke has a similar episode and states that: Jesus said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven."
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Christ loved and accepted everyone. But a core characteristic of many white evangelicals is their intolerance and bigotry toward a wide range of people. Hatred is one of their go-to emotions.
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Jesus was a socialist: https://tinyurl.com/SocialistJesus
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Without a solution to the problems of the poor, we will not solve the problems of the world. We need projects, mechanisms and processes to implement better distribution of resources, from the creation of new jobs to the integral promotion of those who are excluded'.
—Pope Francis
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In a very real way, the poor are our teachers. They show us that people’s value is not measured by their possessions or how much money they have in the bank. A poor person, a person lacking material possessions, always maintains his or her dignity. The poor can teach us much about humility and trust in God.
—Pope Francis
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You can tell if people are following Jesus, because they are feeding the poor, sharing their wealth, and trying to get everyone medical insurance.
—Anne Lamott
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Jesus's ministry brought women greater liberation than they would have typically held in mainstream society. Jesus taught that, in the imminent kingdom of God, there would be a reversal of roles and those who had been oppressed would be exalted.
According to scholar Bart Ehrman, this idea would have probably been particularly appealing and empowering to women of the time, such as Mary Magdalene, who may have felt oppressed by traditional attitudes to gender roles.
—Bart D. Ehrman, Peter, Paul, and Mary Magdalene: The Followers of Jesus in History and Legend
—Michael Haag, The Quest For Mary Magdalene: History & Legend
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The Jesus Seminar was an American group of about 50 critical biblical scholars.
The Seminar's reconstruction of the historical Jesus portrayed him as an itinerant Hellenistic Jewish sage and faith-healer who preached a gospel of liberation from injustice in startling parables and aphorisms.
An iconoclast, Jesus broke with established Jewish theological dogmas and social conventions both in his teachings and in his behavior, often by turning common-sense ideas upside down, confounding the expectations of his audience
He preached of "Heaven's imperial rule" (traditionally translated as "Kingdom of God") as being already present but unseen; he depicts God as a loving father; he fraternizes with outsiders and criticizes insiders.
MORE: https://tinyurl.com/2p9bypf4
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BLESSING FOR YOU
May you eat an unfamiliar dessert in a strange land at least once every three years.
May you wake up to salsa music one summer morning, and start dancing while you're still half-asleep.
May you mix stripes with plaids, floral patterns with checks, and yellowish-green with brownish-purple.
May you learn to identify by name 20 flowers, 15 trees, 10 clouds and one extrasolar planet.
May you put a bumper sticker on your car or bike that says, "My godDESS can kick your god's ass!"
If you bury your face in your tear-stained pillow and beg God to please send you your soul mate, may you not slur your words in such a way that they sound like "cell mate."
May you dream of taking a trip to the moon in a gondola powered by firecrackers and wild swans.
May you actually kiss the earth now and then.
May you find many good excuses to say, as physicist Niels Bohr once did, "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
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Woerds by Mark Strand. Art by Thaneeya McArdle.
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
UK’s Most Premature Twins Finally Go Home 5 Months After Being Given 0% Chance of Survival. https://tinyurl.com/yc4u669m
Denver’s Program to Dispatch Mental Health Teams Instead of Police is So Successful it is Expanding 5-Fold. https://tinyurl.com/2p9fdh8c
Exciting Head-Tongue Controller Lets Paralyzed Patients Operate Smart Phones And Drive Wheelchairs. https://tinyurl.com/yjtd388x
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For a lot more pronoiac resources and ideas, read my book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
Available at Bookshop.org: https://tinyurl.com/548hp8y8
Available at Powells: https://bit.ly/PowellsPronoia
Available at Barnes & Noble: https://tinyurl.com/PronoiaBN
Available at Amazon: https://bit.ly/Pronoia
A free preview of the book is available here: https://tinyurl.com/PronoiaPreview
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Please tell me your own nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES: Truthrooster@gmail.com.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning April 14
Copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): "I have lived my life according to this principle: If I'm afraid of it, then I must do it." Aries author Erica Jong said that. Since I'm not an Aries myself, her aspiration is too strong for me to embrace. Sometimes I just don’t have the courage, willpower, and boldness to do what I fear. But since you decided to be born as an Aries in this incarnation, I assume you are more like Erica Jong than me. And so it's your birthright and sacred duty to share her perspective. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to carry out another phase of this lifelong assignment.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Sometimes suffering is just suffering," writes novelist Kate Jacobs. "It doesn't make you stronger. It doesn't build character." Now is your special time to shed suffering that fits this description, Taurus. You are authorized to annul your relationship with it and ramble on toward the future without it. Please keep in mind that you're under no obligation to feel sorry for the source of the suffering. You owe it nothing. Your energy should be devoted to liberating yourself so you can plan your rebirth with aplomb.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "I am very much afraid of definitions, and yet one is almost forced to make them," wrote painter Robert Delaunay (1885–1941). "One must take care, too, not to be inhibited by them," he concluded. He was speaking of the art he created, which kept evolving. In his early years, he considered his work to be Neo-Impressionist. Later he described himself as a "heretic of Cubism," and during other periods he dabbled with surrealism and abstract art. Ultimately, he created his own artistic category, which he called Orphism. Everything I just said about Delaunay can serve you well in the coming months, Gemini. I think you'll be wise to accept definitions for yourself, while at the same time not being overly bound by them. That should ultimately lead you, later this year, to craft your own unique personal definition.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): As a postgraduate student in astronomy, Cancerian-born Jocelyn Bell Burnell discovered radio pulsars in 1967. Her supervisor, who initially dismissed her breakthrough, was awarded the Nobel Prize for her work in 1974—and she wasn't! Nevertheless, she persisted. Eventually, she became a renowned astronomer who championed the efforts of minority researchers. Among the 25 prestigious awards and honors she has received is a three-million-dollar prize. I urge you to aspire to her level of perseverance in the coming months. It may not entirely pay off until 2023, but it will pay off.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards," wrote author Oscar Wilde. Let's make that your motto for the next six weeks. If life could be symbolized by a game of poker, you would have the equivalent of at least a pair of jacks and a pair of queens. You may even have a full house, like three 10s and two kings. Therefore, as Wilde advised, there's no need for you to scrimp, cheat, tell white lies, or pretend. Your best strategy will be to be bold, forthright, and honest as you make your moves.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "In all the land, there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than 16," said comedian and actor Amy Sedaris. She was making a sardonic joke about the possibility that none of us may be quite as unique as we imagine ourselves to be. But I'd like to mess with her joke and give it a positive tweak. If what Sedaris says is true, then it's likely that we all have soul twins somewhere in the world. It means that there are numerous people who share many of our perspectives and proclivities; that we might find cohorts who see us for who we really are. I bring these thoughts to your attention, Virgo, because I suspect the coming months will be an excellent time for meeting and playing with such people.
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YOU ALWAYS HAVE MORE HELP THAN YOU IMAGINE
Both people whom you know and people you don't know could very well come to your assistance and offer their support if you meet two conditions: 1. you believe you deserve their assistance and support; 2. you seek out and ask for their assistance and support.
There's a higher part of your brain that will also provide you with insight and guidance if you turn to it in humility and seek its input.
Whether or not you actually believe in spiritual beings, they, too, are ready to offer unexpected help, support, blessings and resources. If you don't believe in their existence, I invite you to pretend you do for a while and see what happens. If you do believe in them, formulate clear requests for what you'd like them to offer you.
I may also be able to provide you with compassionate guidance, both through the written horoscopes I provide in this newsletter and the Expanded Audio Horoscopes I offer online and via telephone.
To listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope online, go to https://RealAstrology.com
Register and/or log in through the main page.
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The cost is $6 per sign online. (Discounts are available for bulk purchases.)
You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888. The cost is $1.99 per minute. Each forecast is 4-5 minutes long.
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"Your Expanded Audio Horoscopes provide me with the Rest of the Story. I'm not necessarily a believer in the scientific accuracy of astrology, but I do think you've got a lot of practical wisdom to impart."
—M. Tennenbaum, New York
"No one knows more about me than me. But you're right up there near the top of the list of people who do understand something about how I tick. How is that possible?"
—R. Goren, Albuquerque
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A team of biologists unearthed a fascinating discovery in Costa Rica. When the group planted a single tree in pastureland that had no trees, biodiversity increased dramatically. For example, in one area, there were no bird species before the tree and 80 species after the tree. I suspect you can create a similar change in the coming weeks. A small addition, even just one new element, could generate significant benefits. One of those perks might be an increase in the diversity you engage with.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Smallpox has been eliminated thanks to vaccination, but it was once among the most feared diseases. Over the course of many centuries, it maimed or killed hundreds of millions of people. For 35 percent of those who contracted it, it was fatal. As for the survivors, their skin had permanent scars from the blisters that erupted. As disfiguring as those wounds were, they were evidence that a person was immune from future infections. That's why employers were more likely to hire them as workers. Their pockmarks gave them an advantage. I believe this is a useful metaphor for you. In the coming weeks, you will have an advantage because of one of your apparent liabilities or imperfections or "scars." Don't be shy about using your unusual asset.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian author Pearl Cleage sets the tone for the future I hope you'll seek in the coming weeks. The Black feminist activist writes, "We danced too wild, and we sang too long, and we hugged too hard, and we kissed too sweet, and howled just as loud as we wanted to howl." Are you interested in exploring such blithe extravagance, Sagittarius? Do you have any curiosity about how you might surpass your previous records for rowdy pleasure? I hope you will follow Cleage's lead in your own inimitable style.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "I can never rest from tenderness," wrote author Virginia Woolf. I won't ask you to be as intense as her, Capricorn. I won't urge you to be constantly driven to feel and express your tenderness. But I hope you will be focused on doing so in the coming weeks. Why? Because the astrological omens suggest it will be "in your self-interest to find a way to be very tender." (That's a quote by aphorist Jenny Holzer.) For inspiration, consider trying this experiment proposed by Yoko Ono: "Try to say nothing negative about anybody: a) for three days; b) for 45 days; c) for three months."
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "I gamble everything to be what I am," wrote Puerto Rican feminist and activist poet Julia de Burgos, born under the sign of Aquarius. Her gambles weren't always successful. At one point, she was fired from her job as a writer for a radio show because of her progressive political beliefs. On the other hand, many of her gambles worked well. She earned awards and recognition for her five books of poetry and garnered high praise from superstar poet Pablo Neruda. I offer her as your role model, Aquarius. The rest of 2022 will be a fertile time to gamble everything to be what you are. Here's a further suggestion: Gamble everything to become what you don't yet know you must become.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean jazz saxophonist and composer Ornette Coleman was a trailblazer. He created the genre known as free jazz, which messed with conventional jazz ideas about tempos, melodies, and harmonies. In the course of his career, he won a Pulitzer Prize, Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and MacArthur Fellowship "genius" grant. He was a technical virtuoso, but there was more to his success, too. Among his top priorities were emotional intensity and playful abandon and pure joy. That's why, on some of his recordings, he didn't hire famous jazz drummers, but instead had his son, who was still a child, play the drum parts. I suggest you apply an approach like Coleman's to your own upcoming efforts.
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Homework: What's the hardest thing for you to do that you also get satisfaction from doing? Newsletter.FreeWillAstrology.com
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2022 Rob Brezsny
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This Libra just returned from Costa Rica where she saw the kind of amazingly rapid biodiversity response in action. She learned that bamboo can grow as fast as a millimeter per hour. She has also experienced many moments of orgasmic frissons in nature, in listening to music (current favorite: Lauridsen's "Lux Aeterna" -- if you don't know it, treat yourself), swimming in the ocean, or looking at a bird. Her friend, the writer Mary Roach, once described observing a woman who brought herself to orgasm merely through the power of imagination. Life is beautiful.