Relationships Need Artful Imagination
Skillful audacity is required to share your inner life
SKILLFUL AUDACITY
Gertrude Stein defined love as "the skillful audacity required to share an inner life." It suggests that expressing the truth about who you are is not something that amateurs do very well. Practice and ingenuity are required.
It also implies that courage is an essential element of successful intimacy. You've got to be adventurous if you want to weave your life together with another's.
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RELATIONSHIPS NEED IMAGINATION
For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining.
—James Hillman
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WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A SOULMATE?
"Why is it so hard to find a soulmate?" asks psychologist Carolyn Godschild Miller in her book Soulmates: Following Inner Guidance to the Relationship of Your Dreams.
Her answer: "Because most of us are actually searching for egomates instead. We place the most limited and unloving aspect of our minds in charge of our search for love, and then wonder why we aren't succeeding.
"To the degree that we identify with this false sense of self, and operate on the basis of its limited point of view, we aren't looking for someone to love so much as recruiting fellow actors to take on supporting roles in a favorite melodrama."
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ACT LIKE YOU ARE IN LOVE?
I invite you to act like a person who's in love.
Even if you're not currently in the throes of passion for a special someone, pretend you are.
Everywhere you go, exude that charismatic blend of wondrous contentment and blissful turmoil that comes over you when you're infatuated.
Let everyone you meet soak up the delicious wisdom you exude.
Dispense free blessings and extra slack like a rich saint high on natural endorphins.
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THE GUARDIAN ANGEL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Imagine that the merger of you and your best ally has created a third thing that hovers near you, protecting and guiding the two of you.
Call this third thing an angel.
Or call it the soul of your connection or the inspirational force of your relationship.
Or call it the special work the two of you can accomplish together.
And let this magical presence be the third point of your love triangle.
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INTIMACY COMES IN MANY FORMS
Whenever I write about romance and togetherness, I attract a storm of complaints from readers who are solitary. "How dare you imply that everyone has or should have a partner!?" is a typical protest. "I'm quite content being alone!" is another.
Let it be known that I do not believe your happiness depends on having a spouse or lover. What I do suspect, though, is that your soul needs some sacred relationship in order to thrive, whether it's with a good friend, a beloved animal, a beautiful patch of earth, the Divine Wow, or anything that's not you.
Whenever I invite you to seek deeper, wilder communion, feel free to interpret it as a call to explore any kind of intimacy that draws you closer to the secret heart of the world.
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THE ORGASMIC ROOTS OF PRONOIA
"The Orgasmic Roots of Pronoia" is one of the few NC-17-rated pieces in my most recent book. For those of you over 18, here's the link: https://bit.ly/OrgasmicRoots
PROCEED WITH CAUTION! This material has graphic references to love, lust, tenderness, bliss, and rapture.
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YOU HAVE A PIECE OF SOMEONE'S PUZZLE
"Everyone carries with them at least one piece to someone else's puzzle." So wrote Lawrence Kushner in his book, Honey from the Rock.
In other words, you have in your possession certain clues to your loved ones' destinies—secrets they haven't discovered themselves.
Wouldn't you love to hand over those clues—to make a gift of the puzzle pieces that are most needed by the people you care about?
Search your depths for insights you've never communicated. Tell truths you haven't found a way to express before now. More than you know, you have the power to mobilize your companions' dreams.
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ELATIONSHIP LOVE SPELLS FOR BEAUTY & TRUTH LAB ALLIES
Are you in quest of a Soul Friend or a Freaky Consort? A Wild Confidante? A Master of Curiosity who listens better than anyone ever or a Lucid Dreamer with whom you can practice the Art of Liberation?
The Beauty and Truth Lab's rapturists have formulated a batch of personal ads for you to borrow. They have been designed to attract allies who are committed to the art of compassionate lust and blasphemous reverence.
If you're a Crafty Optimist or Mystical Activist or Ceremonial Teaser who aspires to put the elation back in relationship, you're invited to plagiarize any part of them for your own use.
Here's the link:
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CAN'T OWN LOVE
You understand that you can never own love, right? No matter how much someone adores you today, no matter how much you adore someone, you can't force that unique state of grace to keep its shape forever.
It will inevitably evolve or mutate, perhaps into a different version of tender caring, but maybe not.
From there it will continue to change, into either yet another version of interesting affection, or who knows what else?
Are you making any progress in getting the hang of this tricky wisdom?
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RAPTUROUS MESSAGE
You are my inspiration and my folly. You are my light across the sea, my million nameless joys, and my day's wage. You are my divinity, my madness, my selfishness, my transfiguration and purification. You are my rapscallionly fellow vagabond, my tempter and star. I want you.
—George Bernard Shaw
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ALTERNATIVE HEROES' JOURNEY
In Joseph Campbell's vision of myth, the hero is typically a solitary male who renounces intimate companionship to pursue his glorious, arduous quest. Along the way, sporadic help may arrive from an ineffable muse or deity.
There are alternative scenarios for the hero's journey, but Campbell underplayed them. In the tantric tradition, for instance, a seeker's connection with a beloved human companion is essential to his or her spiritual inquiry.
Some early Christians described Jesus and Mary Magdalene as equal collaborators. Sufi mystic poet Rumi may not have actually made love with his teacher Shams (then again, he might have), but it's clear the two men sought divine communion together, not through lonely solo work.
Some modern teachers have broken from Campbell's narrow perspective. The quest for illumination, they say, can thrive on the challenges of loving and living with an actual person. In John Welwood's Love and Awakening, the author re-imagines relationship as an "alliance of warriors" devoted to awakening each other's "holy longing."
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REAL LOVE POETRY
Early in his career, Robert Bly rarely wrote love poetry, though he studied the work of others who did.
As he aged, he stopped reading the angst-ridden ruminations of modern poets and sought out the ecstatic love poetry of mystics like Rumi and Kabir. Increasingly, forgiveness and compassion became central aspects of Bly's emotional repertoire.
His rage about his own past romantic disappointments dissipated. In his mid40s, he wrote Loving a Woman in Two Worlds, his first collection of love poetry.
Critiquing it for *The New York Times Book Review*, Fred Chappell said it wasn't a real book of love poems, because there wasn't enough hatred and anger in it.
On Bly's behalf, we offer a response to Mr. Chappell: We love you, goddamnit.
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ORIGIN OF "IDIOT"
"The psychic health of an individual resides in the capacity to recognize and welcome the 'Other,'" writes poet and translator Rosanna Warren in The Art of Translation.
"Our word 'idiot' comes from the Greek idiotes, whose primary sense is of privacy or isolation."
With this warning, Warren builds her case for the virtues of reading literature that has been translated from its native tongue.
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LAUGHING SEX
by Steve Penny
"Why is sex the most fun people have without laughing or smiling? Think about it. When enjoying most other physical pleasures, you smile and laugh.
"It may be because we have millions of years of evolutionary history with sex being closely linked to aggression and dominance—especially for men, who feel a big push to beat out their competitors and get their genes into the next generation.
"Another reason most people don't smile or laugh during sex is that desire has an edge to it. You know how hard it is to tell sometimes if animals are fighting or mating?
"Many human relationships have a similar quality. It's hard to tell if the couple is actually in love or strangely addicted to tormenting each other.
"This difference in how we experience sexual pleasure compared to other types of joy may be one reason so many people end up in relationships where the sex is fantastic but everything else is screwed.
"Biologists classify all living things by their reproductive habits because, from an evolutionary standpoint, it's the slowest behavior to change.
"Laughter, on the other hand, is fairly recent in an evolutionary sense. While several primates smile (although not necessarily from joy), and chimpanzees and gorillas chuckle and tickle, humans are the only species that truly laughs from joy.
"Maybe sex is the most fun people have without laughing because our slow-to-change reproductive behavior hasn't caught up with the more recent development in evolution—laughter."
—Steve Penny, How to Have Great Laughing Sex, https://tinyurl.com/dyoj7m
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VARIETIES OF SEX
A pig's orgasm can last for 30 minutes.
Orangutans and macaques masturbate with sex toys made of leaves and twigs.
The ladybird beetle can copulate for up to nine hours at a time, and males are capable of three orgasms in one session, each an hour and a half long.
The male members of the fruit fly species Drosophila bifurca are one-eighth of an inch long, but their sperm can be up to 2.3 inches long.
About eight percent of domestic rams prefer other males as sexual partners.
As soon as the male praying mantis begins coitus with the female, she bites off his head and eats it.
An adult female elephant's clitoris is between six and twelve inches long, and the spotted hyena female has such a large clitoris that she is frequently mistaken for a male.
An oyster is usually ambisexual; it begins life as a male, then becomes a female, then changes back to being a male, then back to being female.
A whale's penis is called a dork.
Some dolphins try to have intercourse with turtles, sharks, and seals.
Slugs are hermaphrodites with penises on their heads. Asian stick insects sometimes indulge in coitus for ten weeks straight.
The slime mold comes in 500 genders, and at least 13 of these have to collaborate in order to reproduce.
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
You Can Change Your Mind About Virtually Anything. https://tinyurl.com/ycyb3mzn
Majority of Americans Plan to Splurge on These Top 10 Things–After Missing Out in Pandemic. https://tinyurl.com/46x4k9hu
How one Chicago cooperative is reverse-engineering apparel’s colonialist business model. https://tinyurl.com/4p4mxpk2
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For a lot more pronoiac resources and ideas, read my book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
Available at Bookshop.org: https://tinyurl.com/548hp8y8
Available at Powells: https://bit.ly/PowellsPronoia
Available at Barnes & Noble: https://tinyurl.com/PronoiaBN
Available at Amazon: https://bit.ly/Pronoia
A free preview of the book is available here: https://tinyurl.com/PronoiaPreview
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Please tell me your own nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES: Truthrooster@gmail.com.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning February 10
Copyright 2022 by Rob Brezsny
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Actor Leelee Sobieski was mourning her romantic adventures—or rather the lack of romantic adventures. She said, "If only I could find a guy who wasn't in his 70s to talk to me about white cranes, I'd be madly in love." The good news is that Sobieski knows *precisely* what she wants, and it's not all that complicated. The bad news is that there are few men near her own age (38) who enjoy discussing the fine points of the endangered bird species known as the white crane. I bring her predicament to your attention, Aquarius, in the hope that you'll be inspired to be as exact and lucid as she is in identifying what you want—even as you cheat just a bit in the direction of wanting what is actually available.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I've never offered you the wisdom of actor Natalie Portman, but her idealistic attitude about relationships is exactly what I think you should aspire to in the coming months. She said, "I always ask myself, would I want someone to do something that wasn't comfortable for them to do just to please me? And the answer is no." What do you think, Pisces? Do you suspect it might be interesting to apply that principle to your closest alliances? I hope so. If you do, the planetary energies will conspire to deepen your intimate bonds.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Real love is a pilgrimage," declared author Anita Brookner. "It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists." That's the bad news, Aries. The good news is that you have more potential than ever before to free your love of strategic maneuvering and manipulation. For the foreseeable future, I invite you to drop all romantic agendas and simply make yourself extra receptive to love's teachings. Are you ready to learn what you don't even realize you need to know?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the near future, I'll be pleased if you dole out lavish praise to allies who enchant you. I will celebrate if you deliver loving inspirations and lush invitations to those who help you fulfill your reasons for being here on the planet. To get you in the mood, here are some suggested provocations. 1. "Your body makes mine into a shrine; holy, divine, godtouched." —Ramona Meisel. 2. "Your luster opens glories on my glowing face." —Federico García Lorca. 3. "All night long if you want. We'll tell our secrets to the dark." —Gayle Forman. 4. "I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours." —Bob Dylan. 5. "We are each other's harvest. We are each other's business. We are each other's magnitude and bond." —Gwendolyn Brooks.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Gemini author Orhan Pamuk's novel Snow, the main character Ka asks a woman named Ipek, "What is the thing you want most from me? What can I do to make you love me?" Ipek's answer: "Be yourself." In the coming days, Gemini, I would love you to engage in similar exchanges with those you care for. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, now is a favorable time for you and your best allies to shed all fakery and pretense so that you may be soulfully authentic with each other—and encourage each other to express what's most raw and genuine.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are you in the mood to make extravagant gestures in behalf of love? Are you feeling an urge to move beyond your habitual approaches to intimate togetherness as you dare to engage in fun experiments? Now is a good time for such behavior with allies you trust. To spur your imagination, immerse yourself in the spirit of this poem by Nizar Qabbani: "I abandon my dictionaries to the flames, / And ordain you my language. / I fling my passport beneath the waves, / And christen you my country." Your homework: Dream up and carry out a playful and audacious venture that will energize one of your close relationships.
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VISUALIZE YOUR BEST POSSIBLE FUTURE
Would you like some inspiration as you muse and wonder about your upcoming adventures in 2022?
You can still listen to my long-range, in-depth explorations of your destiny in the coming months. Each report in the three-part series is 7 to 9 minutes long.
Go to https://RealAstrology.com
Register and/or log in through the main page, and then access the horoscopes by clicking on "Long Range Prediction." (Choose from Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.)
A new short-range forecast for this week is also available.
The cost is $6 per sign, with discounts for bulk purchases.
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"I don't much believe in astrology. But that doesn't seem to get in the way of me deriving a whole lot of benefits from your expanded audio horoscopes."
—A. Arrosto, Indianapolis
"You have an amazing aptitude for cutting through the lies I tell myself. Thanks for the gentle shocks."
—T. Preneris, Toronto
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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I've created a list of splashy titles for stories or poems or songs or artworks or dances that you could compose for beloved allies or people you want to be beloved allies. I hope my list inspires you to get gushy and lyrical. I hope you'll be creative and marvelous as you express your passionate appreciation. Here are the titles: 1. Glistening Passion. 2. Incandescent Rapture. 3. Succulent Dazzle. 4. Molten Luminosity. 5. Splashy Fire Bliss. 6. Shimmering Joy Beams. 7. Opulent Delirium. 8. Wild Soul Synergy. 9. Sublime Friction. 10. Fluidic Gleam Blessings. 11. Throbbing Reverence. 12. Sacred Heart Salvation.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Author Eve Ensler tells us, "You have to give to the world the thing that you want the most, in order to fix the broken parts inside you." This is perfect counsel for you to carry out in the coming weeks, Virgo. Life will conspire to help you heal yourself, in dramatic and even semi-miraculous ways, as you offer the people and animals you care for the same blessings that you crave to receive. I foresee an influx of restorative karma flowing in your direction. I predict the fixing of at least some of your broken parts.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In Michael Chabon's novel The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, the character named Arthur says to the character named Cleveland, "Love is like falconry. Don't you think that's true?" Cleveland replies, "Never say love is like anything. It isn't." I propose we make that your meditation during this Valentine season, Libra. In accordance with astrological omens, you will be wise to purge all your preconceptions about love. Use your ingenuity to revive your innocence about the subject. Cultivate a sense of wonder as you let your imagination run wild and free in its fantasies about love and sex and intimacy.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I'll love it if sometime soon you create a situation in which you tell an ally words similar to what author Jamaica Kincaid spoke to her lover: "To behold the startling truths of your naked body frees me to remember the song I was born from." Do you think you can make that happen, Scorpio? The astrological indicators at play in your life suggest that it would be right and sacred for you to do so. And if there is no such ally, then I hope you will deliver the same message to your naked self. And by the way, what is the song you were born from? (PS: There has never been a better time than now to learn treasured truths about yourself through your connections with others.)
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I'm afraid I must be downright practical and mundane in my oracle for you. Don't hate me! I'm only reporting what the planetary omens are telling me. They say that now is a favorable time for you to practice, practice, and practice some more the fine arts hinted at by author Ivan Goncharov: "A close, daily intimacy between two people has to be paid for: It requires a great deal of experience of life, logic, and warmth of heart on both sides to enjoy each other’s good qualities without being irritated by each other's shortcomings and blaming each other for them." Be diligently positive, Sagittarius, as you work through the demanding daily trials of togetherness.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I'll offer you a radical idea about love from author Hélène Cixous. Although it's not always true for everyone, it will have special meaning for you in the coming months. She wrote, "It is easy to love and sing one's love. That is something I am extremely good at doing. But to be loved, that is true greatness. Being loved, letting oneself be loved, entering the magic and dreadful circle of generosity, receiving gifts, finding the right thank-you's, that is love's real work." How about it, Capricorn? Are you up for the challenge? Are you willing to expand your capacity to welcome the care and benevolence and inspiration coming your way from others?
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What love goal would you like to accomplish between now and February 2023? Write it down, stating it as an intention and vow. Share?
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Scorpio here. Song I was born to: Let It Be. Boy, I am all over that.
Yet another FANTASTIC gift of insights!- thank you Rob!💞🙏💞