Thank you. I needed this meditation on joy and happiness today. I think you'd like something my wonderful mother said to me when I was an impressionable human, and while I don't think she was the one who originally said it, I will always hear it in her voice: "We are all standing in the mud. Some of us are looking at the stars."
It has shaped me more than anything else, and I am so, so grateful. I'm grateful as well for you and your writing, and how often it feels like a lesson or gentle reminder at the most quintessential time. Thank you.
Such a rich piece today. Thank you. Some imagery stuck with me. So ... after I perform my nighttime ablutions I sit outside at night in my darkened garden. It is not big, or lush; it's a high-desert garden. The stars and orbs hang above, my body relaxes and prepares for sleep, my dog sits next to me and cuddles under my armpit, the only time he does that. This makes me HAPPY, and I experience happiness, for which I am grateful; my life has seen its share of harsh events. A mosquito sometimes bites me because, yes, mosquitos are happy to live in the desert, too. I go inside and place a hot cloth, as hot as my skin can stand, on the bite; the heat changes whatever chemical transaction has occurred in my skin to an elixir that doesn't itch. Then I dab lavender oil on the bite(s) and by morning they disappear. The effectiveness of this treatment makes me incredibly HAPPY for some reason, and I experience happiness before I sleep. I'd rather not have been bitten, but no mosquito abatement is perfect and using natural methods rather than harsh butterfly-killing sprays makes me HAPPY, and I experience happiness at the thought of it. The truth is -- if you have an adequate shelter with water and sanitation, a small patch you can call a garden, a dark night full of glittering sky gems, a pet, and a means to care for yourself when body or soul is injured, then HAPPY and its family, Happiness, is standing right there waiting to befriend you. Get up, do your work, fight hard the good fight, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
This distinction between comfort and security is one of those ideas that changes how you read everything else. The old Japanese almanac has a concept called Ten'on-nichi — literally "day of heaven's grace." It doesn't mean nothing goes wrong. It means the sky is holding you. The calendar's instruction on those days is essentially what you're describing: move forward from the secure base, not from the comfort zone. The almanac never rewards suffering — it rewards timing. Beautiful piece.
This feels like fated timing, I just finished reading a phenomenal book on happiness by Ariel Gore, "F*ck Happiness," and I am just loving living in this mindset and collecting more perspectives on cultivating happiness in dark times, when it feels like the only appropriate thing to do is mourn 24/7. Happiness can and must exist at the same time, tenderly holding hands with all the hurt. It is a brave and worthy pursuit, to look into happiness- I love the quote about looking into the void and looking at happiness. Thank you for this, and wishing you all the joy you can find!
1) The quality and multiplicity of the light you shed has made you one of my favorite, most inspiring writers working in any form. So THANKS!!!
2) My most popular, most frequently-reprinted essay is a piece I wrote for a CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL-type book aimed at horror writers. The piece is called HAPPINESS TIPS FOR THE PROFOUNDLY HAUNTED. And I only bring it up because it says EXACTLY what you say here: that happiness is possible; that it's not a candy-ass thing, but a hard-won decision in this world of mixed glories and horrors; that, as Bjork says, "If you put as much work into happiness as you do your career, or your relationship, or your favorite sports club, that you might get pretty good at it"; that figuring out what actually makes you happy is a great place to start; and that cultivating your capacity for happiness allows you to discover how deep your reservoir can actually be.
In other words, I am with you all the way. And this piece is magnificent. So THANKS AGAIN!!!
This was great, thank you! I have been in therapy for what seems my whole life, and in group therapy for 10 years. I'm a slow learner. After telling my group (and the therapist) how much I hated her and that I had to quit, a weird thing happened where i now actually *feel* loved and supported by the group. It is, as you describe, the "secure base." I'm ready to fly. Ok, maybe hop around the edges of the nest. I'm ready to be ready, let's put it that way. :)
Thank you. I needed this meditation on joy and happiness today. I think you'd like something my wonderful mother said to me when I was an impressionable human, and while I don't think she was the one who originally said it, I will always hear it in her voice: "We are all standing in the mud. Some of us are looking at the stars."
It has shaped me more than anything else, and I am so, so grateful. I'm grateful as well for you and your writing, and how often it feels like a lesson or gentle reminder at the most quintessential time. Thank you.
I love that! Following you now
Such a rich piece today. Thank you. Some imagery stuck with me. So ... after I perform my nighttime ablutions I sit outside at night in my darkened garden. It is not big, or lush; it's a high-desert garden. The stars and orbs hang above, my body relaxes and prepares for sleep, my dog sits next to me and cuddles under my armpit, the only time he does that. This makes me HAPPY, and I experience happiness, for which I am grateful; my life has seen its share of harsh events. A mosquito sometimes bites me because, yes, mosquitos are happy to live in the desert, too. I go inside and place a hot cloth, as hot as my skin can stand, on the bite; the heat changes whatever chemical transaction has occurred in my skin to an elixir that doesn't itch. Then I dab lavender oil on the bite(s) and by morning they disappear. The effectiveness of this treatment makes me incredibly HAPPY for some reason, and I experience happiness before I sleep. I'd rather not have been bitten, but no mosquito abatement is perfect and using natural methods rather than harsh butterfly-killing sprays makes me HAPPY, and I experience happiness at the thought of it. The truth is -- if you have an adequate shelter with water and sanitation, a small patch you can call a garden, a dark night full of glittering sky gems, a pet, and a means to care for yourself when body or soul is injured, then HAPPY and its family, Happiness, is standing right there waiting to befriend you. Get up, do your work, fight hard the good fight, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
This distinction between comfort and security is one of those ideas that changes how you read everything else. The old Japanese almanac has a concept called Ten'on-nichi — literally "day of heaven's grace." It doesn't mean nothing goes wrong. It means the sky is holding you. The calendar's instruction on those days is essentially what you're describing: move forward from the secure base, not from the comfort zone. The almanac never rewards suffering — it rewards timing. Beautiful piece.
Perhaps my favorite article by you ever! Thanks!
This writing of yours is like Good Medicine. Thank you I am grateful for you this morning.
I am subscribed!
Thank you for articulating this so thoughtfully and wholly and heart-fully 💗
This feels like fated timing, I just finished reading a phenomenal book on happiness by Ariel Gore, "F*ck Happiness," and I am just loving living in this mindset and collecting more perspectives on cultivating happiness in dark times, when it feels like the only appropriate thing to do is mourn 24/7. Happiness can and must exist at the same time, tenderly holding hands with all the hurt. It is a brave and worthy pursuit, to look into happiness- I love the quote about looking into the void and looking at happiness. Thank you for this, and wishing you all the joy you can find!
I love the image of Pisces unfathomable depth.
This resonates deeply. Thank you, Rob!
I love this piece so much, thank you Rob!
Thank you
thank you.
😂added this action to my deep conscious and unconscious body muscle memory “Official Beauty and Truth Lab Histrionic Yawn” 👏🏻
Two things:
1) The quality and multiplicity of the light you shed has made you one of my favorite, most inspiring writers working in any form. So THANKS!!!
2) My most popular, most frequently-reprinted essay is a piece I wrote for a CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL-type book aimed at horror writers. The piece is called HAPPINESS TIPS FOR THE PROFOUNDLY HAUNTED. And I only bring it up because it says EXACTLY what you say here: that happiness is possible; that it's not a candy-ass thing, but a hard-won decision in this world of mixed glories and horrors; that, as Bjork says, "If you put as much work into happiness as you do your career, or your relationship, or your favorite sports club, that you might get pretty good at it"; that figuring out what actually makes you happy is a great place to start; and that cultivating your capacity for happiness allows you to discover how deep your reservoir can actually be.
In other words, I am with you all the way. And this piece is magnificent. So THANKS AGAIN!!!
Fantastic! Thank you!
This was great, thank you! I have been in therapy for what seems my whole life, and in group therapy for 10 years. I'm a slow learner. After telling my group (and the therapist) how much I hated her and that I had to quit, a weird thing happened where i now actually *feel* loved and supported by the group. It is, as you describe, the "secure base." I'm ready to fly. Ok, maybe hop around the edges of the nest. I'm ready to be ready, let's put it that way. :)