This piece is an blessing of awareness for my broken heart. Between 2012 and 2019, both of my young-adult children died. I found myself living among a sympathetic social group who, after awhile, left me alone, waiting for me to either get over or through it. I actually understood; people my age count the years ahead and see that they're fewer than the ones behind and they want happier associations. Two dear friends (one old, one a new surprise) stayed close, though, and helped me make peace with the trauma of losing my two beautiful babies grown into intelligent, loving men. "Make peace" are the operative words. I'm over here now, on the other side of Covid, living in the dystopia that is increasingly the USA. In perhap a perverse way, my constant companion Sorrow now helps me to see on to the other side when the Orange Menace and his minions will be gone. I might not live that long, but okay. Sorrow and I still have pleny time to witness the beauty that still offers itself to us, and the colors are more precious, the scents more envigorating, the sendation of the desert breeze on my skin deeply intimate. If I lived only in the present, focusing only in the present moment, I would enjoy these things, sure, but the now-accepted context of healing from my terrible loss makes them more profoundly grand. And Sorrow has convinced me that my boys are smiling on me from wherever they are as I walk calmly, tears only indulged once a day, through my days. God bless you, Rob.
There is no time, the Present and the Past merge as what Is. Within that Is, your babies exist and will always. Their presence is your Present. A gift you made and will have always.
Tolle is just another monk who wants the world to follow his monastic path. No deviations. It makes him fabulously rich to convince people to ignore their experiences
@freewillastrology Thank you so much for this public insight! I have been feeling this way for years and I work with deep trauma in humans and it's just nice to have that reality affirmed. There's something off there, and I've known it and I'm happy to see that you know it. I work and live with the reality of PTSD and CPTSD. I appreciate you so much 💜
OMG, today's email landed right on target for me. Yesterday I ordered a proof of my novel, Things I Wish I'd Said, which is about a woman trying to recover from complex PTSD, and how that's made harder by perceptions, assumptions, and expectations imposed on her by others. Her body definitely keeps the score, and that's one of the biggest challenges she faces. It is both something holding back her progress and something others often refuse to see, never mind understand - that her nervous system (and mind) are actively working against healing, controlling her "now" with dysfunctional disregulation embedded in her in the past.
Thank you for sharing your understanding and helping to honor an individual’s historical humanness - the makeup of each person. Many well-meant words that simply suggest “be in the present”, or the horrible “get over it” do disservice to how one has arrived to the present, and society as a whole too. This has been a huge sore spot for me, and to read your words gives me a big big smile!!!! It takes practice to be present and with time does get easier. Each person’s journey is different, and your words give way and room to them to travel the road and clear a path to the present. A heart cannot heal if it’s not allowed to hurt. Thank you.
Yes, yes, yes! And It’s not only us CPTSD trauma survivors whose past shape our perceptions of the present. All of us do. Our brains create reality. Right “Now" my brain is making predictions based on my past experiences. The past is utterly woven with the now.
This funky paraphrase is based on neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “How Emotions are Made.” (from an utterly delightful deep-dive into brain science research for my graphic novel, "Meet Your Monkeys: Make Friends with the Meanies and Imps that Rule your Mind.”)
Eckhart Tolle is a good man and a very profound teacher. According to what I know, what I subjectively experienced and learned, he is not here to only write for profit. He is honest. He happened to be a male, yes. I have a lot of respect for him. His books and free talks helped me through some of my traumas, but there was a missing piece. I found this missing piece today and I thank you profoundly Rob for writing this and letting us read it. Only someone who experienced deep sadness and traumatic events such as yourself is able to understand such deep philosophical truths about life and again, thank you for sharing it with us so eloquently and wholeheartedly.
I agree with you about Tolle. To me his ‘missing piece’ was his lack of experience about the life challenges and limited resources for the vast majority of humans. Especially his lack of experience with the daily economic struggle for food, shelter, medical care and other resources. Very few people have the privilege of living a life where all your needs are met with absolutely no stress on yourself from lack of resources to provide human needs for food, shelter, clean water, healthcare, education, jobs, entertainment and others. When I read he had walked to a park and sat on a bench all day every day for an entire year, I immediately felt how incredibly out of touch with real people’s live this man was. Who can afford to sit on a bench all day? Then I remembered his lifestyle. No commuting to work every day, no driving kids to school and 500 bazillion after-school activities, no concern about paying the mortgage on time, and the utilities, no elderly parents who rely on him for care with aging, no arranging for childcare and its constant emergencies. You get the point. He’s detached from the constant stress and low-grade trauma of most people’s reality, which exacerbates the emotional impact of a major trauma. His life environment buffers the impact of traumas on him, and automatically renders him more capable of not only healing faster but also “just let it go and move on.” Easy for him to say.
I turned 71 yesterday, born on a Friday the 13th during a thunderstorm, (as my parents often reminded me). A big part of my 71 years has been coming to terms with the way my parents' problems with depression, substance abuse, and mental illness made me who I am...coming to terms with the heartbreak of setting boundaries between yourself, the family you're raising, and the parents who raised you. There was good that I'll forever be grateful for, but there was selfish betrayal of the children my parents were raising: me and my siblings, over and over again, even to the end of my parents' lives. I learned much that I need to carry with me into now, so that now can be the amazing gift and joy to share that it is for me and my family. Thank you for writing this.
loved your analysis on tolle. on the surface, most of what he says is good advice, but there has always been something i couldn’t quite put my finger on that didn’t sit right.
Thank you for carefully unpacking the bypassing in Tolle’s text. His work has always seemed harmful to me. It also lets truly dangerous, criminal and violent people off the hook for their past actions, something we should perhaps be hypervigilant about rn!
This piece is an blessing of awareness for my broken heart. Between 2012 and 2019, both of my young-adult children died. I found myself living among a sympathetic social group who, after awhile, left me alone, waiting for me to either get over or through it. I actually understood; people my age count the years ahead and see that they're fewer than the ones behind and they want happier associations. Two dear friends (one old, one a new surprise) stayed close, though, and helped me make peace with the trauma of losing my two beautiful babies grown into intelligent, loving men. "Make peace" are the operative words. I'm over here now, on the other side of Covid, living in the dystopia that is increasingly the USA. In perhap a perverse way, my constant companion Sorrow now helps me to see on to the other side when the Orange Menace and his minions will be gone. I might not live that long, but okay. Sorrow and I still have pleny time to witness the beauty that still offers itself to us, and the colors are more precious, the scents more envigorating, the sendation of the desert breeze on my skin deeply intimate. If I lived only in the present, focusing only in the present moment, I would enjoy these things, sure, but the now-accepted context of healing from my terrible loss makes them more profoundly grand. And Sorrow has convinced me that my boys are smiling on me from wherever they are as I walk calmly, tears only indulged once a day, through my days. God bless you, Rob.
There is no time, the Present and the Past merge as what Is. Within that Is, your babies exist and will always. Their presence is your Present. A gift you made and will have always.
Tolle is just another monk who wants the world to follow his monastic path. No deviations. It makes him fabulously rich to convince people to ignore their experiences
@freewillastrology Thank you so much for this public insight! I have been feeling this way for years and I work with deep trauma in humans and it's just nice to have that reality affirmed. There's something off there, and I've known it and I'm happy to see that you know it. I work and live with the reality of PTSD and CPTSD. I appreciate you so much 💜
Love this and thank you for providing these words at the perfect time Rob. ❤️
OMG, today's email landed right on target for me. Yesterday I ordered a proof of my novel, Things I Wish I'd Said, which is about a woman trying to recover from complex PTSD, and how that's made harder by perceptions, assumptions, and expectations imposed on her by others. Her body definitely keeps the score, and that's one of the biggest challenges she faces. It is both something holding back her progress and something others often refuse to see, never mind understand - that her nervous system (and mind) are actively working against healing, controlling her "now" with dysfunctional disregulation embedded in her in the past.
Wow!!! Humanness!!!
Thank you for sharing your understanding and helping to honor an individual’s historical humanness - the makeup of each person. Many well-meant words that simply suggest “be in the present”, or the horrible “get over it” do disservice to how one has arrived to the present, and society as a whole too. This has been a huge sore spot for me, and to read your words gives me a big big smile!!!! It takes practice to be present and with time does get easier. Each person’s journey is different, and your words give way and room to them to travel the road and clear a path to the present. A heart cannot heal if it’s not allowed to hurt. Thank you.
Yes, yes, yes! And It’s not only us CPTSD trauma survivors whose past shape our perceptions of the present. All of us do. Our brains create reality. Right “Now" my brain is making predictions based on my past experiences. The past is utterly woven with the now.
This funky paraphrase is based on neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett’s “How Emotions are Made.” (from an utterly delightful deep-dive into brain science research for my graphic novel, "Meet Your Monkeys: Make Friends with the Meanies and Imps that Rule your Mind.”)
Eckhart Tolle is a good man and a very profound teacher. According to what I know, what I subjectively experienced and learned, he is not here to only write for profit. He is honest. He happened to be a male, yes. I have a lot of respect for him. His books and free talks helped me through some of my traumas, but there was a missing piece. I found this missing piece today and I thank you profoundly Rob for writing this and letting us read it. Only someone who experienced deep sadness and traumatic events such as yourself is able to understand such deep philosophical truths about life and again, thank you for sharing it with us so eloquently and wholeheartedly.
Sending virtual hugs. Now.
I personally think Tolle has had a pernicious influence on the world, even as he has also offered useful teachings.
I agree with you about Tolle. To me his ‘missing piece’ was his lack of experience about the life challenges and limited resources for the vast majority of humans. Especially his lack of experience with the daily economic struggle for food, shelter, medical care and other resources. Very few people have the privilege of living a life where all your needs are met with absolutely no stress on yourself from lack of resources to provide human needs for food, shelter, clean water, healthcare, education, jobs, entertainment and others. When I read he had walked to a park and sat on a bench all day every day for an entire year, I immediately felt how incredibly out of touch with real people’s live this man was. Who can afford to sit on a bench all day? Then I remembered his lifestyle. No commuting to work every day, no driving kids to school and 500 bazillion after-school activities, no concern about paying the mortgage on time, and the utilities, no elderly parents who rely on him for care with aging, no arranging for childcare and its constant emergencies. You get the point. He’s detached from the constant stress and low-grade trauma of most people’s reality, which exacerbates the emotional impact of a major trauma. His life environment buffers the impact of traumas on him, and automatically renders him more capable of not only healing faster but also “just let it go and move on.” Easy for him to say.
You are quite the deep thinker, Rob! Thank you for saying the unspoken out loud🥰
Nuance, recognizing “both/and” (neutrality), integration/embracing of past/present and future as co-regulators of our awareness!
These are my takes from your post for this week, Rob!
This was brilliant. Thank you so much for articulating something I’ve been feeling for some time ❤️
Couldn’t be more true for me. Thank you very much for your courage and integrity.
Exquisitely eloquently aware .. Thank you .. eyes open, heart healing, life lightening, soul filled
I turned 71 yesterday, born on a Friday the 13th during a thunderstorm, (as my parents often reminded me). A big part of my 71 years has been coming to terms with the way my parents' problems with depression, substance abuse, and mental illness made me who I am...coming to terms with the heartbreak of setting boundaries between yourself, the family you're raising, and the parents who raised you. There was good that I'll forever be grateful for, but there was selfish betrayal of the children my parents were raising: me and my siblings, over and over again, even to the end of my parents' lives. I learned much that I need to carry with me into now, so that now can be the amazing gift and joy to share that it is for me and my family. Thank you for writing this.
loved your analysis on tolle. on the surface, most of what he says is good advice, but there has always been something i couldn’t quite put my finger on that didn’t sit right.
Thank you for carefully unpacking the bypassing in Tolle’s text. His work has always seemed harmful to me. It also lets truly dangerous, criminal and violent people off the hook for their past actions, something we should perhaps be hypervigilant about rn!