In this bonus newsletter, I offer a free excerpt of my book ASTROLOGY IS REAL above the paywall — and an excerpt from my upcoming trilogy of novels below the paywall.
First, here’s an excerpt from ASTROLOGY IS REAL. These oracles are not like my regular weekly horoscopes. Rather, they are lyrical meditations on the natures of the signs. ASTROLOGY IS REAL has 15 additional sections like this one.
ORACLES FOR YOU #9
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ARIES: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be an Aries." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. If you come upon a "square peg, round hole" situation, change the shape of the hole by any legal and ethical means necessary.
2. For Aries, it has to be creative, thought-provoking, and full of movement and color—or why bother? —Shari Ann Lamb
3. "Say to your friend, 'I am an Aries—you know, the best sign.' Your friend replies, 'I didn't think there was a 'best' sign.' And you say, 'Now you know.'" —Erin West
4. "Oh goody, a new project! Can I start it with a bang and never worry about finishing it?" —Norma Quesada
5. As you burn your way through a room, step on toes and knock your elbows against others' elbows as gracefully as possible. Be charmingly aggressive.
6. Believe that no one else in the world can be as good at anything as you are. But indulge and even applaud them if they insist on trying.
7. You know you're sexy, and you make sure everyone knows you're sexy. The disarming audacity of your innocent boldness makes it all benign and permissible.
8. Never let someone order you around. When asked, "What do you want to do?", answer with a dignified, "Anything that allows me to be in control of everything."
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TAURUS: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Taurus." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Keep your mind vigorous and your heart brave and your body supple. If you do, your soul will never hunger. —Warren Roffel
2. Your potent, almost telepathic sense of smell can tell you secrets and give you clues that most people never tune into.
3. No one can kiss and nuzzle and snuggle and fuck as long and as slow and as deep as you.
4. You thrive when you are passionately loyal, and others appreciate how passionately loyal you are. —Nosso Lurner
5. Taurus says, "Come to your senses, people!" —Kim Hammer
6. Sometimes it is perfectly acceptable, even advisable, to eat an entire extra-large pizza all by oneself. To be fully themselves, many Tauruses need to regularly indulge in non-dangerous excess. —Arden Mailer
7. Here's one of your potential superpowers, Taurus: You can help people to act in service to the deepest truths and strongest love. You can even teach them how to do it. Have you been ripening this talent? Have you been bringing it more to the forefront of your relationships?
For best results, take a vow that you will nurture in yourself the deepest truths and strongest love in all your thoughts and dealings with others.
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GEMINI: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Gemini."
1. Be witty. You don't have to be intellectual, but you do have to be clever. If you've got a sluggish brain, you ain't no Gemini.
2. Like Gemini poet Walt Whitman, you should contain multitudes. And be clear that this is not a pathological condition. The fact that you are a group of different selves should be a triumph and celebration.
3. Since you have so many sub-personalities, you probably need a wide variety of friends. Different sub-personalities within you may need different friends.
4. Remember that paradoxes don't need to be paradoctored. Give the universe permission to not make sense. —Lani Joyser
5. Watch the world go by as you might view a film, observing carefully and thoughtfully, wondering why the director chose to interpret the script as they have, and speculating about the ways you would change the plot and tinker with the attitudes of the actors.
6. Here’s a scenario that could be both an invigorating metaphor and a literal event.
Put on rollerblades. Get out onto a long flat surface. Build up a comfortable speed. Fill your lungs with the elixir of life. Praise the sun and the wind. Sing your favorite songs.
Swing your arms all the way forward and all the way back. Forward: power. Backward: power. Glide and coast and flow with sheer joy. Cruise along with confidence in the instinctive skill of your beautiful body.
Evaporate thoughts. Free yourself of every concern and every idea. Keep rambling until you feel spacious and vast.
7. Meditate on the question "How many careers can I and should I have in one lifetime?" Impose no limits on your answers.
8. You have unusual power to find seemingly mutually exclusive things and then trick or compel or charm them to blend their energies.
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CANCERIAN: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Cancerian." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Cultivate your natural talent for appreciating the joys of watching and helping things grow: a child, a creative project, a tree, a friendship, your bank account. —Sharon Smith
2. Always exploring what's higher up and further in means you must keep your Cancerian shell expandable. —Anna Trombley
3. A Cancerian says, "How does this place feel? How can I contribute to improving it? Who is feeling joy here? Who is down? How can I help them feel the moods they like?" —Melody Carol
4. Remember that your crab shell and pincers can serve as healthy boundaries or weapons of war. —Jen Bernard
5. Avoid being friends with people who are shallow or callous or way too cool.
6. When you're in a weird mood and say, "It's not you, it's me," it really is you. Help people understand that.
7. You are the leader who knows how to follow.
8. Make sure people respect your psychic privacy. Let them know you will spill your guts only when you are good and ready. —Riley Gamble
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LEO: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Leo." One of my readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Leo says, "Thanks for adoring me. Wait! No, not like that! You must follow the proper protocols. Also, if anyone is ever mean to you, my dear, I. Will. Crush. Them!" —Carla Bohon
2. Be in charge of how much of your radiance you allow others to see.
3. Never allow yourself to be tamed by others. You need to cultivate maximum access to the raw, primal sources of your life energy. Your ability to thrive depends on how well you identify and express the beautiful animal within you.
Here's the only caveat: If you imagine there may be value in being tamed a little, in harnessing your brilliant beast, do the taming yourself. And assign that task to the part of you that possesses the wildest wisdom.
4. Your body can be a source of inspirational teaching for your soul. Make sure your soul is alert for the sometimes subtle and unexpected revelations that may arrive via physical sensations and symptoms.
5. Scholar Suzanne Juhasz says that Emily Dickinson's eroticism "inflects and charges" most of her poems. "Erotic desire—sensuous, nuanced, flagrant, extreme, outlandish, and profound—is her way of interacting with the world."
You Leos may be wise to experiment with a similar predilection. Enriching experiences are likely to flow your way if you basically make love to the whole world.
For you, the urge to merge should not just be the icing on the cake. It should be the icing, the cake, the plate it's on, your eating of the cake, your feeding of the cake to others, and the stories you tell about your encounter with the cake.
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VIRGO: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Virgo." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Virgos own the strongest Bullshit Detectors in the zodiac. —Martha Jablonski Jones
2. Your devotion to grasping nuances and details is at the heart of your drive to be whole and complete. Your reverence for the sanctity of minutia is key to grasping the big picture. Your aptitude for analysis is in service to love and understanding. —Tonia Rose
3. The Virgo goal should be synergy, not mere organization. — Pauline Conn
4. Sometimes, you can make things expand by squeezing them. You help things thrive by limiting them. You can encourage things to heal by critiquing them.
5. You are fun to watch while you're working, because you are so imbued with practical idealism. It's inspiring.
6. Makes sure you harbor a hidden wild side that only the best people know about.
7. You are a great protector when you have the confidence to do it.
8. You may be wise to keep a corner of your world just a bit rumpled, thereby avoiding the dangers of excessive perfectionism.
LIBRA: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Libra." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Be proud as you teeter charismatically on the fence. Relish and brandish the power that comes from being in between.
2. Flatter others sincerely. Use praise as one of your secret healing weapons.
3. Cultivate a good-natured skepticism that blends discernment with open-mindedness.
4. Smile and plot in behalf of rapport and goodwill, but never kiss ass.
5. Libra says, "I form relationships with everyone I encounter, however temporary the exchange might be." —Frankie Lugo
6. People who fear beauty, as well as those who love it and cannot see it in themselves, may use you Libras as a projection screen. Trust and cultivate your own sense of beauty so you won’t absorb other’s projections or take them personally. —Brenda Griffin
7. Libra says, "Oh, I figured out that problem ages ago, fueled by equal parts intuition and reason. I just haven't told you yet what I concluded because you're not ready for the truth. When the time is right, I will share it generously." —Valeri Pfahning
8. Sometimes you like to make some declaration just so you can change your mind about it.
9. Avoid restaurants with extensive menus. When the server comes to take your order, tell everyone else to go ahead of you. When it's your turn, close your eyes and point.
10. Never give up on finding the most elegant way to understand a problem.
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SCORPIO: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Scorpio." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. The opportunities to learn and grow never end, and so neither will your sense of purpose. Storyteller Michael Meade says, "the soul longs for trouble," and I say, "So you might as well look for good, interesting trouble that challenges and fulfills you." —Melissa Grace
2. Tap into your forbidden thoughts so they might heal you. Discover the secrets you're hiding from yourself so they can guide you. Ask yourself a prying question every day.
3. Of all the signs in the zodiac, you Scorpios are most likely to regard that old pop tune by the Animals as your theme song. "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good," croons lead singer Eric Burdon, "Oh, Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood."
On the other hand—maybe because you work so hard to compensate for this ache—you may also experience record-breaking levels of being seen and appreciated for who you are.
For best results, do this: Inform your deep psyche that you have no attachment to being misunderstood. And tell your deep psyche that you would very much like to be well understood.
4. Scorpio says, "I don’t tell people that I’m a Scorpio. Don't want or need to fend off their many stereotypes about who we are." —Daniel Solnit
5. Use sarcasm sparingly. But definitely use it. If wielded with love and wit, it's a fine Scorpionic weapon.
6. Scorpio, you'll never live any of it down, so don't even try. —Nancy Pace Kossman
7. Respect everyone who deserves it, but don't take bullshit even from them. —Joy Anderson Gallion
8. Joy is a luxurious necessity to be pursued, never an afterthought. Be keen to stretch your ability to feel gratified and even jubilant beyond all previous limits.
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SAGITTARIUS: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Sagittarius." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Key to your self-fulfillment: finding joy in continuously learning and expanding your consciousness. —Suzanne Martino
2. When you give advice to others, be sure to listen to it yourself. —Dan Shoemaker
3. Be leader of the pack. If you turn around to find no one's following, laugh it off and keep heading toward the future.
4. Move away from having a rigid conception of yourself and move toward having a fluid fantasy about yourself.
5. Be the first one to laugh at and correct your own mistakes. It'll give you the credibility to make even more and better mistakes in the future. —Catherine King
6. Surround yourself with people who respect themselves and claim a role in making the world a better place.
7. A perk of being a Sagittarius: At least 25 percent of the time you think something is going wrong, a lucky twist happens in your favor.
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CAPRICORN: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Capricorn." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Capricorn says, "I could be wrong, but I doubt it." —Christine Star
2. You always seem to end up in charge, even when you'd rather not be. Some folks half-consciously resent that, even as they step back and push you forward. —Tim Goncharoff
3. For Capricorns, it isn't ultimately about the money. It's never just about the money. It's about establishing stability and ensuring future security for you, your family, and your community. —Kia Bordner
4. Don't take other people's apparent stupidity or rudeness as personal affronts. Try to understand how the suffering they have endured may have led to their unseemly behavior.
5. Your rate for describing how to be a Capricorn should never be less than $100 per word.
6. Don't let the people you love ever think you take them for granted.
7. Be the cautiously optimistic voice of reason. Be the methodical motivator who prods and inspires. Organize as you uplift. Encourage as you build efficiency.
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AQUARIUS: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be an Aquarius." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. Thinking outside the box when you don't even see the box doesn't go far enough. Solution: See and know the box thoroughly, then escape it. —Perig Gouanvic
2. Over-focused foresight may be an Aquarian problem. The future is your realm, right? Life on earth will improve! Civilization will be amazing! But your forward-looking vision may make you overlook the beauty and glory of the present moment. Take measures to avoid that.
3. An older Aquarius might say, "When I was young and listened to the song about how 'This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius,' I felt happy and secure to know I was born in an era that celebrated my astrological sign. Well, it is now many years later. I don't see much evidence that we are in an epoch that admires the best qualities of Aquarians. But I am still an Aquarius who is trying my best to create the Age of Aquarius." —Charmaine Roulos
4. Aquarians often feel like Aquarian poet Toni Morrison, who said, "I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence."
5. To fully understand an Aquarius may be impossible. One reason is that many of them don't want to be understood. They'd rather keep people guessing.
6. Add an extra letter or two to your name every year or so—just to keep yourself and everyone else guessing. Or subtract a letter or two from your name. Or adopt a new nickname. Or start spelling your name the reverse of what it is.
7. Never let your inner dork overwhelm and overtake and overcome you. Except maybe every spring and a few weeks around your birthday and during each full moon and solstice and equinox.
8. Volunteer to demonstrate how to breakdance at a retirement home holiday party, even if you don't know how to breakdance yourself.
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PISCES: Below are hunches and guesses about the topic "How to Be a Pisces." My readers provided some ideas, which are noted.
1. One of the best ways to build your vibrancy as a Pisces is to use all your emotional intelligence to avoid swimming against strong currents for extended periods of time.
Please note that swimming against strong currents is fine, even advisable, for brief phases. Doing so helps boost your stamina and fosters your trust in your resilience.
But mostly I recommend you either swim in the same direction as the currents or else swim where the water is calm and currentless. Armed with this intention, you may be surprised at how often you can enjoy vigorous freestyle excursions heading in the same direction as vigorous currents.
2. Strive to unite with life's most swoonable beauty. —Lorne Murphy
3. Piscean eyes may simultaneously gaze directly at the object of their attention and also elusively away.
4. A fun meditation for Pisces: "Am I the dreamer or the dreamed?" —Claudia Palmira
5. Appreciate why the Jekyll and Hyde story is so intriguing, evocative, and mythically beautiful. —Louisa Deasey
6. Feel all the feelings of everyone ever. But don't get the mistaken idea that they are all yours.
7. Piscean people carry with them a little of all the signs.
8. Is any other sign more skilled than you at interweaving the sacred and profane? At simultaneously enjoying and honoring the fantastic and mundane? At benefiting from both the natural and supernatural in the same breath?
No. No other sign can do these things as well as you.
Below the paywall is chapter 58 from my upcoming trilogy of novels, collectively called Love Stories for the Earth: Holy Rivers, Lucky Storms, and The Other Real World.