Are We Allowed To Feel Good?

Avoiding Joy Doesn't Save the World

IS IT SELFISH TO FEEL JOY WHEN OTHERS ARE SUFFERING? IS IT WRONG FOR PART OF US TO FEEL HAPPY WHEN PART OF US FEELS PAIN?

All the words in the section below are written by MANDI EM at tinyurl.com/HealingForHotMesses. She is a fabulous trickster witch teacher. I highly recommend EVERYTHING she creates and expresses. Mandi says:

1: First, let's do a "belief audit"

• Is suffering the price of awareness?

• Is suffering the "proof" of empathy?

• If you obtain joy and happiness, is there less available for others?

• Is being happy a privilege you haven't "earned" yet?

• Is it selfish to feel joy when others are suffering?

• When you are suffering, does it ease your suffering for others to turn away from their happiness?

• Does bypassing your own circumstances create a tidy balance in the net sum of suffering in the world?

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2: Let's talk about 'EXPERIENTIAL BYPASSING"

Do you feel a deep guilt, despair, or fear of enjoying your life?

--> You might be stuck in something called "experiential bypassing."

--> Experiential bypassing is when you avoid joy, pleasure, or excitement because the world is too fvcked up up, and you feel like being happy is irresponsible, lacks empathy, and makes you look like an a$shole

--> Experiential Bypassing is the subconscious rejection of joy, aliveness, and pleasure because the world is burning, and you think your suffering is noble or helpful or required.

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3: Some HARD TRUTH

Denying yourself joy doesn't improve the world—it only depletes you.

Constant alertness to suffering doesn't prevent it—it only prevents your thriving.

There will always be suffering. There will always be chaos. There always has been.

Does that mean you are never allowed to exhale? To laugh? To dance? Who told you that your happiness must be earned?

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4: Tough Truth for Hard Times

Delaying joy until the world's problems are solved is self-sabotage. ("I'll allow myself happiness when things improve" or "I'll pursue my desires after conditions change")

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5: Believe it or Else

If suffering could save the world, the world would be saved by now.

Bypassing your pleasure doesn't heal the World's pain.

Suppressing your vitality doesn't eliminate despair.

Feeling heavy doesn't make the weight of the world lighter.

How much of a positive impact are you able to make when the world is on fire and you're burning down with it?

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6: Is this a symptom of a "core wound"?

Has your nervous system been trained to distrust happiness?

# Maybe, for you, happiness always meant disappointment was on its way to you.

# Maybe you were raised to believe caring equals suffering.

# Perhaps you were rewarded for self-sacrifice and seriousness. Maybe you got praised for being "responsible" and "selfless."

Do you flinch at joy? Reject ease? Sabotage the good? Because some part of you thinks you don't deserve it?

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7: Breaking the spell

Joy is NOT a betrayal. It's fuel.

Aliveness is NOT ignorance. It's power.

You can simultaneously hold awareness of difficulty AND happiness. Grief AND gratitude. Anger AND pleasure.

You were never meant to carry only one side of the story. Life contains multitudes of contradictory truths.

SEEMINGLY CONTRADICTORY THINGS CAN BE REAL AT THE SAME TIME.

What if joy isn't selfish?

What if your happiness is not a betrayal, but a rebellion?

What if, instead of sinking into the weight of the world, you became a living antidote to it?

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8: Joy is not the absence of chaos and suffering.

Joy is proof that chaos and suffering don't have to be the only things that exist.

Joy doesn't mean ignoring pain. It means refusing to let pain be the only thing that exists.

It means keeping the light on.

You are allowed to feel good. Even now.

Especially now.

Joy is not the opposite of suffering. It's makes survival worth it. Will you let yourself have it?

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9: OK. So now what?

STOP waiting for permission to live.

STOP treating your happiness like it's a limited resource.

STOP viewing joy is a sin.

START sinking into the felt experience of your life and your circumstances with reckless abandon and deliberate, intentional compassion.

START recognizing your power.

START letting yourself experience the fullness of the multidimensional perplexing mixed bag of blessings and bullshyt that we call life.

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MANDI EM wrote all the words in the section above. Here are ways to find out more about her:

Mandi Em on Instagram: tinyurl.com/HealingForHotMesses

Mandi Em’s Feral Self-Care Project: tinyurl.com/FeralSelfCareProject

Mandi Em's Trickster Alchemy Guide: tinyurl.com/TricksterAlchemy

Mandi Em's Witchcraft Therapy Oracle Deck: tinyurl.com/WitchcraftTherapyOracle

Join FROLIC, the Feral Self-Care Collective: tinyurl.com/FrolicSelfCare

Mandi Em on Threads: tinyurl.com/MandiEmOnThreads

SIMPLE TECHNIQUES FOR INCREASING HAPPINESS

Five techniques for reducing stress and increasing happiness, by Fred Luskin

-- Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing items for which you feel grateful.

-- Perform a meditation practice, or simply a few minutes of deep breathing and quiet reflection on something that made you happy. Consider what you can do to achieve that happiness again.

-- Make a habit of sharing the highlights of your day with someone close to you.

-- Practice forgiveness routinely.

-- Construct a list of all activities and experiences that relax and rejuvenate you. Use items from this list to manage your daily stress.

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CAN YOU LEARN HAPPINESS FROM BOOKS? SURE, WHY NOT?

Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown: https://tinyurl.com/2w2csbx2

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E. Seligman: https://tinyurl.com/4ht6ke36

The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist's Journey from Helplessness to Optimism by Martin Seligman: https://tinyurl.com/384x3uuf

Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg and Jon Kabat-Zinn: https://tinyurl.com/y2a9a5kv

Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serorin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Endorphin Levels by Lofetta Graziano Breuning: https://tinyurl.com/mtdvsdpa

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Scientists have evidence that Buddhists really are happier and calmer than other people. Tests on their brains show that the parts associated with good moods and positive feelings are more active, because of all the meditation they do.

Researchers say that the type of meditation done by Buddhists can change the amygdala, an area of the brain which controls fear memory, which is why Buddhists are less likely to be as shocked, surprised, or angry as other people.

Reseacher Paul Ekman says, "The most reasonable hypothesis is that there is something about conscientious Buddhist practice that results in the kind of happiness we all seek."

THE KEY TO HAPPINESS

"Suffering can't be avoided. The way to happiness is to go into the darkness of yourself. That's the place the seed is nourished, takes its roots and grows up, and becomes ultimately the plant and the flower. You can only go upward by first going downward." —James Broughton

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THE ART OF HAPPINESS?

Over the years, you have hopefully explored expansive ideas about what characterizes a good time. You have cultivated a fertile imagination as you’ve dreamed up interesting ways to amuse and please yourself.

In the coming years, I'm hoping you will add to this colorful tradition with further novel variations of the definition of "pleasure" and "happiness."

My advice: Enjoy your experiments without apology. Explore the inexhaustible possibilities. Be willing to play and improvise as you add to your repertoire of bliss and joy and excitement.

To paraphrase the Wiccan credo: As long as it harms no one—including yourself—anything goes.

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Below are some song blessings from me to you. Listen:

You Taste Delicious:

I Want Everybody:

HAPPINESS STUDIES

"In his book The Healing Power of Doing Good, Allan Luks reports that people who spend as little as two hours a week volunteering to help others experience a 'helper's high' that produces lower blood pressure, lower heart rate, less stress, and less tension. As a bonus, Luks found, they also enjoy 'a big boost in self-­esteem.' Luks theorizes that 'doing good deeds triggers the body to release endorphins—pain-­killing, mood-­elevating hormones.'

"Physician David Sobel and psychologist Robert ­Ornstein, authors of Healthy Pleasures, report the same effect and conclude: 'The greatest surprise of human evolution may be that the highest form of selfishness is selflessness.'" —Earth Island Journal

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Cheetahs are the fastest land animals. From standing still, they can be running at 70 miles per hour three seconds later. But they can’t sustain that intensity. After a 20-second burst, they need to relax and recover. This approach serves them well, enabling them to prey on the small creatures they like to eat. I encourage you to be like a metaphorical cheetah in the coming weeks, Aries. Capitalize on the power of focused, energetic spurts. Aim for bursts of dedicated effort, followed by purposeful rest. You don’t need to pursue a relentless pace to succeed. Recognize when it’s right to push hard and when it’s time to recharge.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Inside a kaleidoscope, the colored shards of glass are in an ever-shifting chaotic jumble. But internal mirrors present pleasing symmetrical designs to the person gazing into the kaleidoscope. I see a similar phenomenon going on in your life. Some deep intelligence within you (your higher self?) is creating intriguing patterns out of an apparent mess of fragments. I foresee this continuing for several weeks. So don’t be quick to jump to conclusions about your complicated life. A hidden order is there, and you can see its beauty if you’re patient and poised.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Spiders spin their webs with meticulous care, crafting structures that are delicate, strong, and useful. Their silk is five times more robust than steel of the same diameter. It’s waterproof, can stretch 140 percent of its length without splitting, and maintains its sturdiness at temperatures as low as -40 degrees. With that in mind, Gemini, I bid you to work on fortifying and expanding your own web in the coming weeks—by which I mean your network of connections and support. It’s an excellent time to deepen and refine your relationships with the resources and influences that help hold your world together.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Chichén Itzá was a large pre-Columbian city from around 600 to 1200 CE. It was built by Mayan people in what’s now Mexico. At the city center was a pyramid, The Temple of Kukulcán. During the equinoxes, and only on the equinoxes, sunlight fell on its steps in such a way as to suggest a snake descending the stairs. The mathematical, architectural, and astronomical knowledge necessary to create this entertaining illusion was phenomenal. In that spirit, I am pleased to tell you that you are now capable of creating potent effects through careful planning. Your strategic thinking will be enhanced, especially in projects that require long-term vision. The coming weeks will be a favorable time for initiatives that coordinate multiple elements to generate fun and useful outcomes.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Fireflies produce very efficient light. Nearly all the energy expended in their internal chemical reactions is turned directly into their intense glow. By contrast, light bulbs are highly inefficient. In accordance with astrological omens, Leo, I urge you to be like a firefly in the coming weeks, not a light bulb. You will have dynamic power to convert your inner beauty into outer beauty. Be audacious! Be uninhibited! Shower the world with full doses of your radiant gifts.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Brazil nut trees grow in the Amazon—but if only they are in the vicinity of orchid bees, their sole pollinators. And orchid bees thrive in no other place except where there are lots of blooming orchids. So the Brazil nut tree has very specific requirements for its growth and well-being. You Virgos aren’t quite so picky about the influences that keep you fertile and flourishing—though sometimes I do worry about it. The good news is that in the coming months, you will be casting a wider net in quest of inspiration and support. I suspect you will gather most, maybe all, of the inspiration and support you need.

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SUPPORT

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 1858, businessperson James Miller Williams was digging a new water well on his land in Ontario, hoping to compensate for a local drought. He noticed oil was seeping out of the hole he had scooped. Soon, he became the first person in North America to develop a commercial oil well. I suspect that you, too, may soon stumble upon valuable fuels or resources, Libra—and they may be different from what you imagined you were looking for. Be alert and open-minded for unexpected discoveries.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I've been through the US education system, and I can testify that our textbooks don't give the French enough of the credit they deserve for helping our fledgling nation gain independence from Great Britain. The 18^th-century American Revolution would not have succeeded without extensive aid from France. So I'm a little late, but I am hereby showering France with praise and gratitude for its intervention. Now I encourage you, too, to compensate for your past lack of full appreciation for people and influences that have been essential to you becoming yourself. It's a different kind of atonement: not apologizing for sins, but offering symbolic and even literal rewards to underestimated helpers and supporters.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As I survey the astrological aspects, I am tempted to encourage you to be extra expansive about love. I am curious to see the scintillating intimacy you might cultivate. So, in the hope you're as intrigued by the experimental possibilities as I am, I invite you to memorize the following words by author Maya Angelou and express them to a person with whom you want to play deeper and wilder: "You are my living poem, my symphony of the untold, my golden horizon stretched beyond what the eye can see. You rise in me like courage, fierce and unyielding, yet soft as a lullaby sung to a weary soul. You are my promise kept, my hope reborn, the infinite melody in the heart of silence. I hold you in the marrow of my joy, where you are home."

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Four facts about a mountain goat as it navigates along steep and rocky terrain: 1. It’s strong and vigorous; 2. it’s determined and unflappable; 3. it’s precise and disciplined; 4. it calls on enormous stamina and resilience. According to my astrological analysis, you Capricorns will have maximum access to all these capacities during the coming weeks. You can use them to either ascend to seemingly impossible heights or descend to fantastically interesting depths. Trust in your power to persevere. Love the interesting journey as much as the satisfaction of reaching the goal of the journey.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Swiss Army knife is a compact assemblage of tools. These may include a nail file, scissors, magnifying glass, screwdriver, pliers, blade, can opener, and many others. Is there a better symbol for adaptability and preparedness? I urge you to make it your metaphorical power object during the coming weeks, Aquarius. Explore new frontiers of flexibility, please. Be ready to shift perspective and approach quickly and smoothly. Be as agile and multifaceted as you dare.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Coast redwoods are the tallest trees on the planet. If, Goddess forbid, lumber harvesters cut down one of these beauties, it can be used to build more than 20 houses. And yet each mature tree begins as a seed the size of a coat button. Its monumental growth is steady and slow, relying on robust roots and a symbiotic relationship with a fungus that enables it to absorb water from fog. I propose we make the redwood your power symbol for now, Pisces. Inspired by its process, I hope you implement the magic of persistent, incremental growth. Treasure the fact that a fertile possibility has the potential, with patience and nurturing, to ripen into a long-term asset. Trust that small efforts, fueled by collaboration, will lead to gratifying achievements.

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